Money and Loretta Lynch

Diamonds are a girls best friend? I prefer cash. Also, I just found that the fundraising is really sluggish. I’m not sure what is causing the sluggishness. Maybe the media needs to back off on the polls that have me leading by so much – people don’t think I need it. Maybe I have to figure out a way to get enough energy to show up at my own fundraisers….

At this point, we are spending like there is no tomorrow. And, bills and expenses are higher than planned. And now that we have to pay people to show up to my speeches, costs are only going up.

Time to reach out to my friends. There are plenty of ways to get around the campaign donation rules and laws. Just have to lie cheat and steal. More.

I just remembered a good quote I wanted to write down that reminds me of Loretta Lynch. Henry Kissinger once said “Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad.” Loretta Lynch would have made a great politician. She sure acts like one impressively. Glad to have her on my side. She knows who butters her bread.

More later.

 

 

The Donald and Saudi Arabia

Haven’t had a chance to write in my diary for a couple days, I thought I forgot my password so asked one of my aides who said they were helping me by changing my password every couple days and now it is password, but with capital P — hard to keep up with all the tightened security.

Burning question in my mind: What does The Donald have against Saudi Arabia? Doesn’t he know how much money they have? They’ve given me and Bill like 30 or 35 million dollars. Can’t remember the exact number. What they do to woman in their culture, in their country – who cares? Their checks are good. So, I owe them a few favors? Again, what the public doesn’t know won’t hurt them.

So The Donald says I need to give the money back. Of course, he’s crazy. Just ask the media.

I was supposed to have an intelligence briefing today – but they legitimately bore me to tears. Not enough attention is paid on me during those briefings. All listening. The only thing I hate worse than giving free speeches is not getting paid to listen to someone talk. Talk, talk, problem here, problem there. Wonder if I can just get someone else to do the briefings?

Paul McCartney gave me the nod today. So, I’ve been endorsed by Saudi Arabia, probably the most prolific sponsor of international Islamic terrorism, and a Beatle. Not bad.

More later.

Monica Lewinsky

So Bill lies… “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Lie. He was impeached. The young voters probably don’t even know that.

I lie. Politicians lie. Bill was good at it and still got caught. I’m great at it and still get caught a lot. But since the world knows that politicians lie, I don’t think it matters.

I tell the minorities I will fight for them, the middle class I will fight for them, the poor, the black, the Muslims, the Gays — I will fight for them. They believe what they want to believe. All the lies.

Now Trump is introducing Monica to a generation of voters that may not know about the slutty girl who did disgusting things with my husband in the Oval Office and the lies to cover it up. He’s pointing to the millions of dollars I get from regimes who treat women like dogs, he’s bringing up the lies I say about Benghazi….. What he doesn’t get is the people know I lie. Every day. But they believe what they want to hear.

And they are unsophisticated and easily manipulated so I will be fine.

More later.

 

The Olympics

So I did finally figure out what a Tweet is. I asked an assistant to “show me The Donald’s latest Tweet” loudly and forcefully as if I knew what the hell I was talking about. And – they showed me his Twitter account – which was, on the surface, pretty interesting.

Then, we spent some time looking at our Twitter account, well – MY Twitter account, which I have never seen before. My aides are “Tweeting” for me. All good, and very spot on – cross promotions pretending we care about the Olympics (because we are spending a ton of cash advertising during the broadcast) “Tweeting” Congrats to all Gold medal winners and very positive stuff. Good stuff. And, great photos.

Then, I get called into a meeting for a “sit-down” again about “the rules.” Very boring stuff – a reminder that there is no more calling people retards (even if they are), no swearing (tough) because it may cause me to swear in public, and NO MORE EMAILS. Our emails are very likely to be hacked. Extremely likely. And, even if not hacked, the idiots working for me have PASSWORD as their actual password. So, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to get into our system. (I just changed my password, too — from Hillary2016 to BILLlovesBOOBS – much more secure).

More later.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

I love the polls. I’m kicking ass in them. All of them. My aides say that “this poll had 150 more Democrats than Republicans so it’s skewed” and “this poll has other problems” and blah blah so “Don’t get over enthusiastic on the polls…”

Freaking idiots. I’m winning big. I liked calling The Donald “chicken” for thinking he might not debate me. But, maybe I should just avoid the debates myself. If I could just hide for 88 days, I think I win.

Good day – hung out with the one percenters. Gave a very short speech and had them write big checks so it felt like a big win. Almost like getting paid to talk, as it should be.

I love rich people. They’re still idiots, but at least they smell ok.

More later.

Performance Enhancing Drugs

I don’t know how a 20 year old could keep up with my pace. I certainly know this pace is too much for me. Injections, creams, pills…. I feel like a guinea pig at times. And a puppet at other times. I’m really too tired to get a grip on everything that’s going on at all times. Drink this, eat this, say that, remember this. Smile, wave, act personable, be here, be there, avoid him, avoid her.

I want to be President. I’m playing the good part. I’m trying. I’m succeeding. It hardly shows that I’m barely hanging on by a thread. Sure, sometimes I need help up the stairs or someone to hold me up on stage… But the pace of this is tough. Sure, I take a few days off a week. I don’t talk to media or answer questions. I rarely go on news shows. It’s still a lot. I rested after my economic policy speech (which everyone loved) and I think I’ll probably take it easy the next 3-4 days.

The Donald? I don’t know how he does it. It’s like he is always going, always at rally and speeches. He’s older than me. He must have better drugs than I do.

President of the US — I’m expecting an easy job. Obama played golf like 1000 times in office. I can just rest, relax. Answer a few questions here and there. A few dinners and trips. The President is a lofty title, but really doesn’t need to do much. I won’t have a boss… I’m only planning on one term…

More later.

 

Clinton Foundation

So, unfortunately, the Secret Service Agent that speaks words to me has to stay. Turns out that the Secret Service equivalent of Siberia — the worst punishment that they have at Secret Service —is to be on MY security detail. So, he stays.

But I may kick him if he speaks to me again.

I meant to jot a few thoughts down about Clinton Foundation, as the title suggests. But, I can’t remember what I was going to write. That seems to be happening a lot lately. So I will have to come back to it another time.

More later.

Dangerous Donald

I’m having trouble sleeping. That’s never been a problem for me. Trouble in Benghazi in the middle of the night – snore.

But now, I’m having fitful sleeps. Nightmares are troublesome. Here are a few of the highlights:

In bed with Dangerous Donald – like a cheap porno. It’s a real sleep killer.

Obama won’t leave the White House – no matter where I turn, he’s there. And Michelle right there with him. Scary.

Julian Assange laughing at me as they drag me out in handcuffs. I look horrible in Orange…

But, I have another real problem. Not a nightmare…. Well, a real-life nightmare. I have a Secret Service agent who speaks to me. It started out as a head nod in the morning. I really tried to ignore him. The past few weeks he says something to me like “Good morning” or “Good Day” — it’s disgusting. What makes him think he can even look at me? Let alone actually speak to me? Speak words to me?????  A lowly agent! Unbelievable. The Balls on this guy. I need to figure out what the equivalent of Siberia for Secret Service agents and send him there for punishment. That will teach him!

I’m taking a shot of vodka and going back to sleep.

More later.