On the Road to the White House
Literally cannot.
What does he think is so special about his private parts that a girl would want a picture of them texted to her? Again. The husband of my future Chief of Staff? Wow, at least we have at least one thing in common. Husbands that can’t keep their d$&# in their pants.
I have never gotten any such texts from Anthony. What am I, chopped liver? Little too old? I think he just likes brunettes.
More later….
Couple of thoughts.
First…I know who Gary Johnson is. He’s one of the third party candidates with a snow ball’s chance in hell. But, I did spend some time looking into him this afternoon. And, I watched his add for the Balanced Reunion. The ad was a little hard to follow and I didn’t understand some of it, just went too quickly. I didn’t have the focus to sit through it twice, but got the gist of it … it was cute. It also gave me a great idea.
So the idea of me wearing a NASCAR outfit with sponsors is actually one I could do. Makes sense. Maybe a little more subtle though. I’ve heard about product placement in movies. If Pepsi wants to have one of the main characters in the movie drink Pepsi, they pay the studios a placement fee. It’s a subtle form of advertising and quite brilliant.
So, for me – for extra cash – I can have Huma or someone represent me for product placement fees. So, work out a deal with companies for me to “advertise them” in my “daily life.”
I could mention food I “like” by name or even casually stop by restaurants, like when I stopped into Chipoltle. I could bring a Starbucks with me the next time I have to testify/lie in front of Congress and sit it on the table in front of me in view of the camera for hours. I could get out of the plane with a beer or maybe a big Ralph Lauren logo on my jacket or tops. I could carry a bag with a Citibank logo or umbrella with a vodka logo on it. Subtle but there. Sell opportunities to the highest bidders. Great idea. Will think about that. Along with making States bring me bags of cash if they need the National Guard or me to come to sites of Natural Disasters, cop memorials, terrorist attacks sites, etc. Plenty of ways to keep making public office an ATM/money machine for me personally.
Other thought. Maybe I just skip the debates. I think they could hurt me more than help me. I could start now painting a picture of me on stage with the Bully Trump and how crazy he is and how I just don’t think I should legitimize his candidacy by debating him. He’s a joke candidate. And, if Gary Johnson actually manages to get 10 percent, and there are three of us, I can boycott it as simply ridiculous and let those two go at it.
I have a few weeks, but staying away seems most prudent at this time…
More later.
My buddy, Justin. Needs a cool nickname like “J-Lake” or maybe “Cool-Timber” or “Cool-T” — how about “Ice-T” … Ice T has a nice ring! I’m going to try that next time I talk about my pal Justin. Awesome to show America I have cool celebrity friends that trust me and that I can call by great nicknames. Ice-T awesome. Wonder why no one came up with that before? Really good.
Really want to come up with some hip songs or quotes that make me sound a little cooler for the Bernie fans. I know some good classics like “Give Peace a Chance” or “What’s so funny about Peace, Love and Understanding?” Bernie fans are basically the new hippies I think. Kind of naive, smoke marijuana and little smelly. The songs about peace from any era will be a big hit.
Basically, I just want to make sure and show everyone I can fit in everywhere with everyone. I do a pretty good “black” accent. I say aks instead of ask when I talk to Al Sharpton and get a little twang when I’m in the South. When I’m in front of the big banks paying me millions, I offer them the world. Then, I go to the public and pretend the banks are evil. I can do it all and be all to all people. Getting good at it. For TPP, against it. War and military strength yes (or no) depending on the audience. I sell myself as multilingual – I’m not stupid, I know that means I can speak many languages and I cannot – but I can speak negro, white, rich, poor, trailer park, beaner, Jew, board room, celebrity – anything. I have a doctorate in bullshit – probably the better way to say it, but that really doesn’t sound as good. Still staying away from the media.
Note to self: who the crap is Gary Johnson!?!
More later…
I’ve always been a Yankee fan. Well, that’s what I said when I wanted to be a NY Senator. So, now I need votes in Florida and Ohio. Maybe I should say I’ve always been a Browns fan? Dolphins?
Indians? Marlins? They are other baseball teams so maybe less believable that I’ve always been their fan AND I’ve always been a Cubs fan and always been a Yankees fan.
But, I think I have a trustworthy face. And no one is really expecting me to be truthful at this point.
Little off subject, but Hannity is basically out of his mind. His people keep calling my staff to ask me to come on his show. I’m not going on. I haven’t had a press conference since December 2015. But who’s counting? Why would I go on his show?
And what kind of shit is Hannity peddling anyway?
Off his rocker and totally in the bag for Trump. He has the gall to report the truth on some small, minor, insignificant illegal immigration problems like:
11.3 million in country illegally, at a cost of $113 BILLION with a B dollars per year in education, medical care, justice expenditures, welfare and other general costs
an estimated 820,000 of those in the country illegally are convicted criminals
more than 35% of federal sentences in 2015 were for crimes committed by illegal immigrants
18% of drug trafficking, 30% of kidnapping, 75% of drug possession, 5% of murders committed by illegals
and blah blah blah
The media is typically soft on this stuff (buried in the back of the news area) … It just doesn’t fit the agenda of the narrative that we have no problems and that we don’t need a wall or other means of protecting the border.
Just because over 35% of federal crimes in 2015 were committed by illegal immigrants — it still makes you a bad person to not want them here. A bigot. You have to be anti-Mexican — it makes no sense to say that you simply do not want those crimes continued against our US citizens. That you want to get rid of AT LEAST the bad ones. That’s racist.
Sure, there’s the occasional outcry like when that cute girl was gunned down in San Francisco or that nice boy was brutally tortured, beaten to death and then set on fire or one of those other many many many many many stories like that — they hit the news cycle for a second and them quickly swept under the rug. Wasn’t there something about sex trafficking? 10, 11 and 12 year old girls molested and raped? Oh, and a 90 year old man beaten to death in his own home?
Thousands of children sexually abused or the killers that get only very short sentences or the repeat criminals not deported – stuff like that – really doesn’t get much play at all from the media. And, who does Hannity think he is to buck the system and point these problems out?
Of course Amnesty is the answer. If we make all these illegals LEGAL, including the criminals, it will just add those crime percentages to the country as crime done by legal US citizens so it won’t look bad anymore. Of course, the drugs, the rapes, the murders will continue, but no longer being done by people here illegally. Better. Sounds like a much better option than getting them out of the country.
The 11 million illegals sound like great additional future voters for the Democratic Party. If they’re in Kansas, they can vote this November. Other states, too. So smart. Why would we want people to have to show some kind of identification when they vote? Just ask them if they can vote and if they say yes, you let them vote. We used to have dead people vote, so what’s wrong with letting illegal “undocumented” people vote?
I really must be losing it. I can’t believe I’m spending this much time on my day off thinking about such boring stuff. I need to do important stuff like figure out which pantsuits to wear next week. Ooohhh — I really should wear those teeth whitening trays, too. Really need the discipline to accomplish that task. I think it’s probably the yellow teeth that make people like me less every time they see me. Whoa, that was a little harsh. Rambling now. How did I get on this topic in the first place? I need another drink.
More later……..
I had a bowl of oatmeal today that was more interesting than Tim. But at least he’s working the weekend for me while I rest. Worth something, I guess. Kind of reminds me of a creepy science teacher I had in 7th grade, but ….he’s working. These 4 day work weeks are taking their toll on me.
Who does LA Times polling math and how do they have Trump ahead of me in general election? Last Sunday? Well, after all that time in that dreaded state last week those numbers are going to move up, I’m sure.
Note to self: get ahold of Bleachbit and demand some percentage of profit for all new customers from the advertising my campaign gave them last week.
More later…
Wow… No wonder my advisors made me swear off watching TV news. Filled with terrorist attacks and crazy horrible, horrible stuff. Iran harassing our ships and we are giving them millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars. And, how long until they have nuclear weapons? Russia… Violence everywhere…. Hatred…
Scary stuff.
Note to self: Rethink my immediate disinfect and remodel of the living area of the White House. May need to concentrate on sprucing up and remodeling the Bunker. May be spending most of my Presidency there.
More later…
I’m a smart person and know that racism has an ugly past in the Democratic Party. Since the beginning of our Republic, the Democratic Party has been the party of slavery, of segregation.
We’ve been trying to rewrite history and have pointed fingers at the other side and the manipulation of the electorate is crafty and pure genius. Voters have no idea what’s happening, and they believe what I say. Lies. Skillful.
No one seems to remember me calling young black men “super-predators” or making jokes about Mahatma Gandhi. They don’t point out that, as a senator, I voted to construct a wall between the US and Mexico. No one talks about me and my campaign circulating pictures of Obama in full Muslim garb or being in the birther movement myself. No one brings up that Bill made a joke that “a few years ago this guy would have been getting us coffee” about Obama when I was running against him in the primaries. I have personally been against illegal immigration and called those in the country illegally “illegal aliens.” I’ve made anti-Semitic comments, called disabled children “retards” and disparaged American Indians.
But I can stand up and point a finger at Trump and they all believe I’m the one wearing the White Hat. I’m the pious progressive while the Republicans are the party making people “hate again.” Nothing to do with me making this election about race. That’s not hateful and low? Of course it is. But, the voters will run from him while I laugh. It’s laughable.
But truly the saddest part is the Democratic Party is the party killing the inner cities. Ruining the black neighborhoods. Hurting the chances of the communities of color. Obama and his policies, which I will continue, has made the areas of color go from bad to worse. Democrats run the 10 poorest cities in America. Our policies have been failing for many years.
The electorate is so easily manipulated, they keep voting for the Democrats in these areas, even though each year the cities get poorer and less safe. On the other side, Republican mayors and Governors have made tremendous strides in improving states and cities. But the manipulation, the false trust that we have instilled in the black and poor communities is nothing short of pure brilliance. What have they got to lose in voting for Trump? Nothing. But they will continue to go to the polls and vote for me and the Democrats even though we have failed them and will continue to fail them. Brilliant.
I’m going to pat myself on the back and rest today. Good job tearing apart the country and being incredibly divisive. And, great job making the voters believe it’s all Trump’s fault.
More later.
What’s worse than a COMMUNITY college speaking arrangement in RENO? Hard to guess.
Since Trump is reaching out to the Black Vote, my team now wants me to reaffirm my base and support of the African-American community by meeting again with Al Sharpton. Huh? After last lunch I had to take a Silkwood decontamination shower. I’ll take community college over Al Sharpton any day. He owes like $4 million in back taxes and I have to suck up to him?
Bottom line, I will kiss his ass and pay back foreign entities and do whatever I need to do to get elected and line my pockets. Nothing new.
Also BLM. The people who yell at their rallies to kill the police? I’m not a huge supporter of law enforcement, but do I have to befriend a group that says “What do we want? Dead cops. When do we want it? Now.” Yikes.
Ok, I will love them. And hate police. And hate Cher. Wait, love Cher. For TPP. Wait against TPP. Frick. I’ll get up tomorrow and flip a coin on that one. Basically, just spew hate at all Republicans. Seems like best tactic I have left. Just confused, but will keep pushing. No one notices my struggle. Media still in my court. Tired. But I look better than Bill. Jesus, if anyone wants to question someone’s health and mental ability – they shouldn’t point the finger at me….
I once said “All lives matter.” I guess that’s racist now. I know I’m no longer able to say that. It’s one of the rules. Along with not spitting on the Secret Service and to smile in all situations when I’m around the moronic electorate. And, don’t use disinfectant on my hands after I shake hands with them. Wait until I am back in the car. Rules. Lovely.
Wonder how much more money Bill will make for speaking arrangements when I’m President? If he’s still up to it. Definitely no free speeches. He won’t be a typical First Lady. He will have billable hours.
More later…
How long can I get away with calling Trump anti-women:
1) when I have taken millions from some of the worst dictators and abusers of women
2) until the media presses me to tell them the difference in pay at the Foundation between women and men. (Can those files be shred quickly?) … Not good.
More later…
Maybe Jessica Biel will play me in a movie about myself.
Few thoughts: just had a post-assessment with my team of the speech today. Overall, they said I did better. Less yelling into the microphone. Good. Sincere eye contact and gestures. Great. I really should have gotten kudos for keeping a straight face during half the attacks on Trump.
Trump: divisive. Like putting out ads that Republicans are KKK and racist isn’t decisive. Ha.
Trump: liar. I don’t think I need to beat a dead horse here. What would be funny is if Trump said during the debates “Hillary, you know how I know when you are lying? You’re lips are moving.” Ha ha. I crack myself up. But seriously. Pot calling kettle black.
Trump: bad advisors – surrounds himself with bad people? Wow, I have career politicians and Huma Abedin on my side. Hmmmmmm. I trump Trump. Lol. Don’t know if I’m actually this witty or if it’s the vodka talking.
I could go on. But, bottom line is I’m a great actress. I should have been an actress, not a politician. I play a role well. When I say “my friends” at a pathetic COMMUNITY college in a small ridiculous place in the middle of nowhere with those people…
I am actually quite upset at the booking. If I was an actress, I would fire my agent. Reno? Crap. This “reach out to America” role is the most difficult ever. And, I’m doing great. Like Golden Globe shit. Oscar quality…..
More later.