Category: Uncategorized

Trump just can’t stop. He loves using nicknames. To be fair, he has come up with some great ones that have stuck… like Crooked Hillary, Sleepy Joe, Hiden’ Biden etc etc etc. If I didn’t hate him, I’d say he was brilliantly funny and spot on most of the time.

He hasn’t found one to stick on me yet. Yeah, he’s got kooky Kamala, crazy Kamala, comrade Kamala… nothing too earth shattering.

But his newest one. Sly mala. It seems almost like a compliment. Isn’t “sly” like smart, cunning? Crafty? Isn’t that good to have in a President. Maybe deceitful, secretive. But that can’t be all bad. Every politician is a little bit deceitful. I mean, we couldn’t count on the voters to like my policies and vote for me if we told them the real ones. Gotta be a little “sly” — Slymala — I kinda like it.

More in a minute. The staffer that looks like a raccoon just came in.

Well. That’s shitty. Raccoon face just told me the nickname isn’t “Sly” Mala. It’s “Slime” Ala. I mean, kinda sounds the same, but I’m sure the meaning is pretty different. Fucking Orange Bad Man. If I was guessing, he’s using slimy slimeala as is — nefarious, insincere — a bad liar.

Joke’s on him. I’m not a bad liar. I got people saying I’m for freedom, the economy, safety… I’m not a bad liar. I’m very good at it.

Bad Orange Man.

People are so dumb. Literally. Everyone in a tizzy that I “rolled out a new tax plan” when in reality I just said I am in favor of the plan put out by the Sleepy Joe administration. Kinda my administration too, but… it’s just, I don’t have any policies of my own. Yet. I might. But also…might not. Someone will probably eventually let me know. And, maybe let me talk. But also, maybe not.

But the plan? I’m not great at math, but $5 trillion in new taxes sounds like a lot.

Tax on unrealized gains? I don’t even know what that means, but my phone been ringing off the hook from my Silicon Valley buddies saying that one just ain’t gonna fly. It’s a pipe dream anyway.

The media is already spinning the plan — like this is “only tax on the rich” and “those making less than $400,000” won’t have more taxes… The masses of voters will see that I’m penalizing the rich people — YAY! —- and vote for me.

I overheard two secret service agents say these new taxes including large raises on corporations are going to hurt everyone, more inflation, less jobs, less investment… and when we let the Trump tax cuts expire that helped middle class and lower income people, it’s gonna be real bad for everyone.

I don’t normally listen to what they say, and generally feel like they should be seen and not heard (and definitely never look me in the eyes)… but here, I generally just don’t know. If it was up to me, I’d probably just nationalize the businesses, and grab most everyone’s money and assets…kinda Marxist of me, but who’s counting?

I’ll be the first to admit, I cast the tie-breaking vote in 2022 in favor of the enormously fantastic Inflation Reduction Act. So what if inflation rates quadrupled or octupled or whatever? The act had a great name, even if it didn’t work well. I just point my finger at the Republicans — must be their fault. That’s what we do with everything. Republicans evil. Trump equals Hitler. Maga equals terrorists. Orange man bad. Look over there, don’t look at me. Media runs with that and… we good. I don’t need policies — I have the media.

And. Coffee tastes better with vodka. Way way way better. Coffee is a drink we drink in a cup in the morning and we drink coffee in the morning as a drink and sometimes it’s a morning drink for people in the morning. And vodka — makes it better.

And, now that I’ve been told I will be taking a bus around Georgia (or the armpit of America as I like to call it) with creepy Tim next week, I’m gonna keep my flask close.

What happened? It’s baffling.

The media message was supposed to be “Kamala is amazing, unbeatable, brilliant, loved by all…” etc.

The media message now is something like… “that kooky crazy RFK Jr. has now gone off the deep end BUT he’s also super cool, likable, brilliant, loved by the hip youngsters, makes some great points, loves the country, wants unity…and is a game-changer for the election.”

A game-changer?

How could anyone possibly like the guy? He questions government control, wants freedom for Americans… he makes bold statements like wanting to make America healthy again — kids healthy again — stop chronic diseases… he is concerned about the politicization (is that a word?) and weaponization of the justice system… he wants to stop forever wars and he keeps droning on and on about freedom of speech. Blah blah blah.

Oh and vaccines. He’s pretty anti-vax. I mean, I have been told that, but I’m not sure why. Vaccines are completely safe. 100 percent. I’m not great at math but I also was told recently that:

– the UK has paid out over $25 million to individuals with vaccine injuries to date (from the Covid vaccine)

– Australia has paid over $20 million (and budgeted to pay another $50 million)

– Canada payouts expected to go over $30 million soon

– Italy recently set aside over $150 million euro to pay out their claims for injuries from a completely 100 percent safe vaccine

-and oh.. the CDC was forced to release data that shows approximately 8 percent of USA Covid vaccine recipients that were tracked required medical attention or hospitalizations… and complications including seizures, Bell’s palsy, tinnitus, myocarditis, autoimmune disorders, and drastic suicidal thoughts and/or issues with brain function

But back to Robert Fucking Kennedy. That’s what the F is for, right? Fucking.

Most of his siblings immediately discounted the move to support Trump saying he was clinically “coo coo for Cocoa Puffs”, or something like that. Of course one of them was married to Andrew Cuomo so I would discount her opinion on people — but the others probably know what they are talking about (?) — don’t they?

The media will pick up the “he’s crazy” mantra and dehumanize him; we will attack him vehemently. It will be fine.

I mean his message, “Unity, Freedom, Liberty” —- ugh. Couldn’t possibly be popular with anyone. He cray cray.

And, I brat.

Couldn’t I have one 24 hour period where I felt like this campaign was over?!!

I mean, I gave a brilliant speech where I pretended to be pro-American, pro-business, pro-peace, pro-law and order, pro-border protection…. Brilliant. I should have gotten an academy award right fucking after I got off the stage. No one could even tell I am pretty far far far left and couldn’t give a shit about those things. It was brilliant. I had Trump in my crosshairs… is that ok to say so soon after… whatever. I even got the “perfect smile” in there a couple of times…

And then that little B – RFK Jr. – announces he is pulling out and endorsing Trump. WT serious F.

I mean, he’s for freedom of speech, peace, prosperity… kinda like Trump. I guess it makes some sense… that …and the democrats didn’t just try to beat him at the ballot box like it should be or would be in a free and fair election — instead we sued him, silenced him, banned him — tried to force him off ballots. A full-court press to deny his opportunity to just run and let the people decide.

And…when he called to talk to me? Numerous times. I mean. Why would I take the time to talk to him? Only the son of Bobby Kennedy… Nephew of Robert F. Kennedy… Some of the best democrats in history of US… and he potentially could have joined us but…. well, we are not the party of Kennedy anymore anyway. Hated to break it to him.

And… well, fuck it. I am drinking. I deserve it.

I didn’t want to sit at the convention. I wanted to practice my big speech. The one speech that would rule them all.

But these fucking staffers and political consultants. They forced me into some social learning seminar to go over how faces should and shouldn’t look, how people look when they are happy or bored or mad. As if I need this shit.

First they show a picture of me—- “forced, fake smile,” they say. The ideal smile is called a Duchenne smile — it’s one that comes from the eyes — not just lots of teeth like mine. It’s sincere. It exudes sincerity and elicits trust. We worked on it until I started throwing things at them when it just became tedious.

They also wanted to me understand the “Resting Bitch Face” look so I could be careful when just sitting there in the convention — to work on tiny smile at all times in order to avoid the resting bitch face. And they showed me a picture of Gwen Walz — to see what NOT to look like. Yikes… sweet, socialist woman, but serious RBF.

I did catch a bit of the convention on TV. I saw a little of the Tim Walz speech. And the jury is no longer deliberating on that one — it’s official, I hate him. Creepy. And annoying.

I saw a little of the crowd, too. One of my faves was a chick wearing a “Hotties for Harris” tee-shirt. Fake news, is what it immediately made me think… I mean she was hardly a “hottie” — maybe a 7.5 in Chicago, but in CA, more like a 6.

And, I brat. Fuck the Duchenne Smile. And the stupid know-it-all consultants.

Literally. They killed it.

But first, the First Gentleman, Dougie. He talked about me like I was there. Even pointing up at the crowd like, “there she is…” Awkward.

But I wasn’t there.

I was in Milwaukee. One of my staffers explained it’s the home of beer and cheese and high crime. And, top ten of the most dangerous cities in America. It’s also second in list of poorest cities of the largest 50 cities. A pretty bad place to be black, where the lead pipes in the black and poor neighborhoods have one in 10 kids at “dangerous” levels of lead in their bloodstream. And, abysmal education. Only about 15 percent of Milwaukee Public School third- through eighth-graders were rated proficient in English language arts (including reading), and more than half were rated as “below basic,” the lowest category on Wisconsin’s tests.

I’m making a note not to put Milwaukee on the list of “Democratic Successes.”

I could have been in Chicago.

I should have been in Chicago.

But, Obama said, “I got this. Also, can you try to smile like a regular person? Your smile is just weird.” Thanks, Obama.

Michelle came out looking like a James Bond villain, Obama with his usual swagger. I know Michelle hates me, but did I have to be banished to Siberia (Milwaukee) on the big night of the DNC!?

I could have been in Chicago where the leftist protestors are holding up signs like, “Thanos was right — except the Blip should have gotten rid of the Jews.” Not sure what that means but the staffers were in a tizzy over it.

It’s gonna be a hard road. I missed the Obama speech, but tonight I get Walz and Pelosi. Great. In a world where you can work hard and achieve your dreams I wonder if Pelosi’s dream was to look like a crazy old lady. It’s the eyebrows. So everyone else got America’s sweethearts and I get Tampon Tim and Nervous Nancy. Beautiful.

I am in no mood to be brat.

The word of the first night of the convention — “Bittersweet”. If you ask me, a lot more bitter than sweet. Or maybe “Grateful”. But for me, not in the oh, we are so grateful for all Joe’s done — more like grateful the “Big Guy” is on his way out.

A few takeaways:

– Barack says I smile too “big”, “be less scary when you smile” was the only comment he gave me. Thanks, Obama.

– Hillary finally whitened her teeth — if only she took the time to do that 8 years ago — she could have been the first woman President.

– The camera guys REALLY need to be fired. They have my family up on the Jumbotron while my step-daughter is yawning…. she’s young, it was only 8:30pm — everyone wasn’t THAT boring… although, admittedly it was funny when they caught a few people rolling their eyes during the “we love Joe” chant…

– Biden….. oh dear. That’s when the bitter hit full throttle. He yelled, at the top of his lungs, for 75 long, slurry, arduous minutes. All I could hear was, “hey kids, get off my lawn” — like a crotchety old man way past his time— and on the same day the report came out that he had sold access to the Presidency to the tune of something like “ka-Ching”$30 million dollars (?), lining his family’s pockets… bittersweet my fucking ass… (maybe for him, I guess, as the gravy train is coming to an end — the rest of us can’t wait for him to leave)

I did my job. I went to tell him I love him after his speech. And I added the word “honestly” after. “I love you, Joe. Honestly.” Because if I didn’t say honestly, he would think I was lying about it, I’m sure. I do lie a lot; he knows it. So I thought saying “honestly” was a nice touch. As if I was being honest. By the way, why do old people have bad breath?

I might need a little more wine to make this week tolerable.

Ahh, Chicago. The Windy City. Usually beautiful. Yeah, the river can be a bit murky, but still beautiful nonetheless.

If you can avoid the massive tent cities (most were cleared just in time for the convention, thankfully!), the bullets whizzing by, and the massive protestor gatherings — the city is beautiful.

Well, as we came in, I noticed nearly every store on every street had their windows boarded up with plywood. I asked why and was told it was in anticipation that the protestors … almost every single one of them democrats … that the protestors would be there to break windows, cause havoc (and loot, if possible) the stores. Well, the ones that stayed after we let the riots occur…. The staffer said Walmart closed half its stores, and countless stores just went out of business altogether. Retail vacancies hit an all time high in the Chicago Loop in 2024 after increased crime and lack of support for business in general in Chicago had most of them leave, close, or send employees to work from home “where they might be safer” — but… the remaining businesses — they have become experts at plyboarding their windows.

I thought the right wing was concluded to be the gravest terror threat to the US!? Why is it that the leftest protestors scare the businesses? That’s a conundrum. A conundrum is a big word people use when their brain is trying to figure out something and the conundrum is they can’t. God Bless America. Another conundrum is making people show photo IDs to get into the convention but not to vote — but who’s counting? We need to know who’s coming into the convention. Getting IDs to ensure the correct people are voting? That is just ludicrous.

And God Bless democrats for helping at least one kind of business— the ones that sell plywood.

And, I brat.

Chicago. One of America’s greatest cities. Home of big steaks, Chicago dogs, deep-dish pizza, great blues music, the Cubbies, corrupt Democratic politicians…. Good stuff.

And what else? Crime.

Violent crimes in Chicago grew to its highest level in a decade last year, jumping 11 percent. Robbery and vehicle theft both rose by over 30%; carjackings are more than double pre-pandemic levels. Overall, there are concerning spikes in robberies and assaults — and only about 10 percent of crimes resulting in an arrest.

There is a website called www.Heyjackass.com that reports on shootings in Chicago. To date this year, 1985 people have been shot, 340 of those people died from their wounds. I’m not great at math, but the site says that’s a person shot every 2 hours and 48 minutes.

At that rate, we should give Chicago the new name of North Columbia. Or Little Bogota. Or “Democrats Can Fuck up a Great Cityville” although that last one is just funny and not at all flattering.

Nearly 3 in 4 Chicago voters want more police officers, but who cares what the people want!? Generally not me; I know what’s best. We need reimagined police, right?!

Oh, yeah, also black folks — I’m black so this should concern me — black Chicagoans represent 77% of the city’s homicide victims while making up just 29% of the overall population. Ugh. Even I can see that math is not great.

But how about education? According to a study from UChicago’s Consortium, damn that’s a weird word, Chicago’s public schools are a disaster — half of the district’s high schools ranked in the bottom 1 percent nationwide; nearly half of the students dropped out before graduating.

I think there is a shortage of teachers, a shortage of money, a shortage of classrooms — and maybe politicians who love to spend money on wasteful shit. Yeah and over $400 million in past two years on housing for “migrants” or on companies that said they were helping migrants… something like that.

What was the point of this diary entry? I get lost sometimes in my own ramblings. Oh yeah, Chicago. It’s a great city. Can’t wait to get to the DNC.

Fingers crossed that they will let me talk! Where did that fucking staffer put my water bottle full of wine anyway?

The Democratic National Convention starts tomorrow.

Ok, so, predictably the Democratic leaders are not letting the pro-Israel groups protest in Chicago. I get it — freedom of speech is great until someone wants to be pro-Israel — or conservative… or a parent… or… well, freedom of speech is great if I agree with it.

Generally, I have spoken out in favor of the pro-Hamas/anti-Israel protests. But now, I’m a little concerned.

Chicago seems to be transformed into a hotbed of pro-Hamas/Gaza voices.

And, now… supposedly 100,000 are going to show up and protest. At the DNC! Wtf. Why aren’t they stopping this? I don’t think we need the distraction.

And, smart voters know that this is not a spontaneous expression of freedom of speech — the people organizing the march and protests are mostly NGOs with deep ties to extremist programs and links to known terrorist networks. These NGOs have received millions of dollars in funding, yet generally push an agenda that is actively contributing to antisemitism and hate in the United States. Their actions have serious implications for Jewish-American communities and pose a significant threat to American society and national security.

A prime example is an arm of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP), a designated terrorist organization in the U.S., and has been banned by Germany, France, and Israel. They actively advocate for armed resistance against Israel, and have publicly praised the Oct. 7 attacks

Chicago will be allowing distribution of propaganda that celebrates violence against Jews and Israelis.

Generally, this would be ok – but not during

MY WEEK!

Again, wtf. Well, it is just the smart voters that know all this. So, probably we will be fine. And, the media will likely make these guys out to be saints or something close to that.

We good.