Category: Uncategorized

Some guy tried to kill Trump again. Ryan someone. From out of the US this time — a country called Hawaii.

My staff said it’s interesting that even though the guy’s a Democrat, his linked in page said, “Work has never been about money rather building frameworks for people to thrive and succeed.” To me that sounds more like Trump’s platform. He donated all his salary while in office, and helped families in every class thrive. But, who’s counting?

And… and here’s the kicker.

This Ryan guy went to Ukraine to fight for Ukraine in the war against Russia. So, just boggling to me — my administration basically allowed the war to start in first place, provoked, and even forced a continuation of the war when there were plenty of chances for peace — why would he would want to kill Trump who will likely bring peace to that region? Unless, like the rest of us, he has money at stake by continued death there? Just a thought. Or he’s just dumb, like most voters? More likely.

It’s weird times. It’s almost as if the more times we call him a threat to democracy and liken him to Hitler, the more people are trying to kill him. Very strange.

Is Trump a threat to democracy? Nah. But the scary rhetoric is working. And we are going to keep it up. And if more bullets fly in his direction, that helps us — we can use that in our favor to strip away the 2nd amendment! So much fun to be had.

Oh.. and now. Pence. Trump must be uttering “Et tu, Brute?” as he walks around Mar-a-Lago.

We good.

4 days ago, debating, I said emphatically “I will not take away your guns!”

The media fact checks and writes, “Kamala is telling the truth about everything and, in fact, has never lied in her life and will not take away guns.“

Today, we post on my Twitter account “We must ban all Assault Weapons!”

Sounds great like … no one really thinks semi-automatic guns walking into children’s schools is a good thing. It’s a winning post.

The ugly hidden fact though is that the definition of assault weapon is fluid (like gender) and can basically mean any gun of any kind depending on the definition.

Of course I want to take away people’s guns. Except for mine, Tim’s, my secret service, and anyone pointing a gun at any political opponent. Those people need guns.

Look. I have the media. I say clearly I want to increase tax on everyone, take away their guns, make major infringements on free speech, and take children away from their parents if the parents use anything other than their preferred pronouns.

Trump/Vance/RFK Jr say they will end wars, make children healthy, and make the country prosper. Oh, and get Elon to stop government waste.

And all the media — they all repeat that there is only one choice for President: me.

We good.

Today is today. And yesterday was today yesterday. Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. And Trump claims Haitians are eating pets in Springfield, Ohio.

The police in Springfield say that is not happening at all in Springfield. But it probably is happening a few miles away in Canton and Columbus.

Trump crazy. None of his “conspiracy theories” have ever become “facts” later. I mean, I can think of a few, maybe a dozen or more that were called crazy conspiracy theories but ended up to be true, and maybe a few that were called Russian fake disinformation and then were true. And some that we — the government, the mainstream media, the CIA, the FBI — we all knew were true but obviously were too true to let the public know they were true so we claimed they were false. Loudly. So….

I just don’t know why everyone is upset over migrants. Or illegal immigrants. Or people in the country that broke laws to get here, jumping the line that potential legal immigrants are in. Just because my administration let in probably 21 million of them, many flown in from other countries — given money, food, places to stay, and cell phones, free legal assistance and healthcare… that’s no big deal. Our country was built by immigrants. Didn’t every single immigrant in the history of the US have the red carpet rolled out for them and US tax dollars handed to them on day one? Money that was hard-earned and taken from people legally in the USA — teachers, single mothers, plumbers, nurses, store clerks… and given to random people we don’t know from other countries — instead of veterans, instead of schools, instead of fixing roads or our own social problems including homelessness and crime.

And drugs. And sex trafficking. And actually close to around a half a million kids “missing” from the system — came over border unaccompanied or “with sponsors” and now we have no idea where they are.

I don’t understand what is the big deal about the border!? And now that Trump is spouting craziness like some of them eating pets? We can sit back and eat popcorn and let everyone call him nuts while we just keep funding these border crossings.

Don’t concentrate on the approximate 1 in 5 hotel room in NYC that is now occupied by undocumented immigrants (paid for by tax dollars from US citizens) … don’t worry about the weapon of mass destruction— fentanyl— coming across the border in record amounts killing our youth…. Don’t worry that is was recently reported that migrant crime has skyrocket in past three years — debunking the theory that migrants “commit less crimes than US born people” — better keep that under wraps.

Trump says they are eating pets. So we can laugh and say “he cray cray” and drink some wine and go to bed, knowing the election is in the bag.

As long as the people stay uniformed, or “look at the shiny object (Trump and his craziness) — but not at the problem and who caused it” .. then we good.

We good.

Somber day yesterday … 9/11 — the day “some people did something” — as our good friend Ilhan Omar from Walz’s state famously described it.

My brain was so full of things to say at the debate I couldn’t really say anything yesterday at all. My brain just didn’t work. Like the SpongeBob episode where he learns so much about French food to be a classy French waiter that he forgets his own name — that’s how I was yesterday.

No one noticed, as it was more of a day for photo ops… sure, I had to shake Trump’s hand, and even smile as Biden wore a MAGA hat for some period of the day… like “we all are one on this day.” And… yeah… pretend like I cared for the people and the country. Not as easy as it looks!

Now — back to politics. Fuck Trump. I’m now favored in Vegas. And now that another rich elite Hollywood/singer/songwriter has told everyone how to vote… we probably have it in the bag. Except that Taylor’s post told people to do their own research. That could pose a problem.

We were “bleeding young people” but that has stopped. We would be “bleeding people with brains” if they “do their research” as Swift suggests and take a long hard look at my plans. But, that’s probably not going to happen….

Everyone too busy looking at my slick hair and beautiful fucking smile. We good.

More like a 3 on one at the debate. Reminds me of the old days back in San Francisco — but I digress. I’m writing about the moderators and me all on one side and Trumpy on the other. 3 on 1.

And I had my Hollywood lines prepared. And all positivity and no plans. But still, glowing makeup — slick hair — that’s all that matters. People can vote for me and see what the plan is.

Trump, on the other hand… he said, “We’re a fading nation . . . in serious decline…laughed at all over the world. We’re not a leader . . . We’re going to end up in a third world war” —- maybe true, our administration is laughed at and wars… well, they are good for our side deals — but Trump — so full of negativity. The people won’t have it.

I have no plan for peace or for Israel. But great plans for America — sure, the people will own nothing and lose most of their freedoms, not be able to afford much, but I’ll make sure they can get abortions!!! We good.

Oh yes, and Taylor finally told everyone how to vote. We have been waiting for this. Trump may have the truth — but I have the Swifties.

You can make me a drink —- ONE, TWO, THREE! LET’S GO BITCH”

Status meeting today. Still “bleeding young voters” and now they are concerned about the “Black” vote, mostly in Georgia and Pennsylvania — two states which could make a difference in the — will I be in White House or on a cooking show come November? — race.

Hillary tried to seem hip and appeal to young voters by using a Pokemon Go reference in her speeches. At the time, young people were overwhelmingly playing some Pokemon Go game on their phones — and, to appeal to these voters, Hillary famously said, “Pokemon go to the Polls.” Which made no sense but I guess she tried. It obviously didn’t work, but she tried.

Now these young ones are playing Marvel Snap on their phones. 22 million downloads. Most in the voting demographic, 18 plus. There is some character called Wiccan and apparently “I brat” is out (old news) and a “I Just Wiccan’t” is trending. I’m quite confused, but at some point people used to say, “I just can’t” so if I somehow can fit “I just Wiccan’t” into the debate — when Trump says something — then it is possible these Marvel Snap voters would think I’m cool and vote for me.

Probably won’t help with the black vote. The seriousness of this issue is obvious in the furrowed brows of the staff. I’m far behind where Obama, Clinton, and Biden were in percentage of black votes that are likely to vote for me. In states like Georgia and Pennsylvania this could be the difference.

Of course, I’m trying — with my weird southern accent finding its way into normal speech and talking about how I make collard greens (in my bathtub) so hopefully some of that will pay off with the black demographic. Probably not — staff says I need to keep spouting “Trump is racist” as many times as I can in the debate — that’s a winner they claim.

I just Wiccan’t. I guess if it doesn’t help with the young voters, it could get me the vote of the witches… That could help.

Back to the podium! Debate is tonight!! Ugh.

For the third day in a row the “status” meeting included complaints that we are “bleeding” young voters and high fives that both Cheneys have endorsed me.

Neither seem that interesting to me. Fuck the kids and no shit about the Cheneys.

I’m not good at math, but it seems like I would be the obvious choice for the Cheneys. A Trump presidency could bring more stability and peace through strength. Our administration has allowed the new beginnings of the “forever wars” of the past, like Dick “the Dick” Cheney had in his White House days…

Cheney’s war profiteering over the years is obvious. Cheney gained $$ through war — with stock options and an extra $1 million a year from Halliburton while he served as vice president. The largest corporation by far to profit from the Middle East instability during the Bush/Cheney admin was KBR, a subsidiary of the Halliburton corporation, of which the Dick had been the CEO before entering the White House. In the first year of the Iraq War alone, then-President Bush and Vice President the Dick Cheney handed over $39.5 billion over 10 years in noncompetitive contracts to KBR.

Follow the money. We should make some new campaign signs, “Warmongers for Harris” — that would be pretty good I think.

Back to the podium. Debate is tomorrow!

We rattle on about how bad Trump will be for the people, with Agenda 2025 at the forefront of it all. Just because Trump has never suggested that Agenda 2025 is part of his platform doesn’t mean that we can’t make shit up and scare the people about it.

Look over there — Agenda 2025 is soooo bad and Trump will do it — it’s a great distraction.

And then. Our side? Completely in favor of Agenda 2030. And, it sounds so great. Stop climate change, eradicate poverty and starvation, ensure gender equality.

But what does it really mean? Complete government control. Not a government for the people — but a government that controls the people. People own nothing, they have no freedom —- but their lives are great. The government sees to that. Completely makes sense.

Oh yeah, first step … if you control the food, you control the people. So there is now a globalist war on farmers.

Depopulation would help with starvation, for sure. So, maybe a more complex virus, or … well I’m sure one of these 2030 people can come up with something.

And gender equality. Well, that’s a pipe dream. We work with more than 30 countries that mutilate young girls. And give money to those countries in aid packages. (And like 70 where being gay is illegal, 8 where being gay can result in the death penalty — but who’s counting?)

And .. Women are on the attack everywhere. Especially Arab nations. Oh, sure there has been some progress. But according to UN, not rapid progress. Basically, at the current rate, it will take an estimated 300 years to end child marriage, 286 years to close gaps in legal protection and remove discriminatory laws, 140 years for women to be represented equally in positions of power and leadership in the workplace…

And my administration will ensure Title IX that was set up to protect women’s sports — that’s gotta be thrown out the window. Soon, there will be no biological women holding any records in any sports. We believe biological boys should compete against biological girls… and that’s ok. Just because there are more than 3000 high school boys that can run faster than the world’s fastest woman… just because our USA Olympic team was beaten by a bunch of high school boys — it doesn’t mean we should take men who say they are women out of women’s sports. That would be unfair to the boys.

And we’ve also closed our eyes and allowed child and women sex trafficking to run rampant at the border … situations where young girls have been found raped multiple times, “rape tents” set up along the journey to US — and we just say “there is no problem at the border.”

Agenda 2030! Let’s go.

At least we will get one woman in a place of power.

And control comes next.

Back to the podium!

The chants outside the hotel have gotten a little loud and obnoxious. “Build the Wall” “Save America” “Fight, Fight, Fight” “Trump, Trump, Trump” — it’s gonna make debate prep (and sleep) a little difficult.

I don’t get why anyone would be for Trump at this point. I’m the one that’s going to Save America… by packing the Supreme Court with liberals, abolishing the Senate (who needs it), getting rid of the pesky 1st and 2nd amendments (again, who needs them), ensuring protections for biological males who want to beat women in all sports… the good stuff.

I’m all for building a wall… around this hotel to keep Trump supporters far away. They are making me more irritated than usual. And that’s pretty bad.

Trying a new sign off line… here goes …

Why are people acting like I’m the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Nah, That’s way too wordy. Need more thought put into this….

Back to the podium! Shut up you peasant protestors!

2020 — the infamous comb that took Amy Klobuchar down… she got caught eating a salad with a plastic comb. And then she was eviscerated and left the race. It didn’t help that she had a very annoying voice…. but really, it was the comb, everyone knows that. You cannot have the leader of the free world known for eating with combs. It’s something you just can’t get out of your thoughts when you look at her— to this day.

But me? I’m the darling of the press. Literally… unable to do anything wrong in their eyes. I’m the best thing that’s come around since sliced bread.

Take the recent revelation that I used to wash my greens in the bathtub. I said I made so many greens for a party that I had to use my bathtub to wash them. I said that myself. At an event. The media was there.

Ok so maybe to 99.9 percent of the world— that’s a disqualifying incident — like very weird. Like strapping your dog to the roof of your car. Or eating salad with a comb. You don’t eat with a comb and you don’t wash food in the same place you’re standing to take a shower. The place you wash your body. No. People apparently don’t do that — my staff told me it’s just weird.

And what is reported by the media….Well, that I’m a culinary genius. Bacon and Tabasco in her greens! What other secrets can this amazing chef teach us? Some food and wine magazine just named me “chef of the decade” and Netflix offered me a big payout for a cooking show if I’m not busy after November 5.

My “Cooking with Kamala” YouTube channel has gotten like a gazilion billion views in last few days. I’m thinking about taking some time off of this debate practice to film a new video where I make spaghetti and meatballs for the staff.

I’ll just clean out this cat litter box here and use it for the serving dish. That’s not weird.

Still working on a diary “sign off” — how about … does Tim Walz really think it’s ok to be a “military impersonator”? Nah, that one just doesn’t seem right either. Will have to keep searching for something now that “I brat” is off the table.

For now … Back to the podium!