Category: Uncategorized

Dr. Jill understands the stages of grief and went through them with me yesterday when I snapped at her. “Must be in the anger phase,” she said.

I guess I’m grieving about Amy dropping out. My team told her she had the wrong skin color or race or creed. She had the right gender (and the brains, good experience, etc.) but she’s definitely a non-Hispanic white person and we need a Mexican, black, Asian, African American or color person. Black would be preferred.

The team removed all these people from the list: Tammy Baldwin, Maggie Hassan, and Gretchen “witless” Whitmer. Because they are white. Apparently Warren still on the list, because she raised $6 million for my campaign in one day last week and maybe she can help us with the Bernie folks. Being a person of color definitely gets you a leg up on the competition, but the color green cannot be ignored either.

Meanwhile, onto more important things. My team really struggling with a nickname for Trump. Using “President Tweety” just makes me look dumb whenever I use it. My team has been meeting with focus groups non-stop to try and get a better one. Here’s a list of some of the more popular choices of the groups:

Trump the Terrible

Grunting Orange Tan Guy

The Trump Card

Tornado Tangerine

President No Vegetables

Angry Carrot Top

The antithesis of Sleepy Joe

President Potty Mouth

Shit Throwing Howling Monkey

Wanna be Reagan

Godzilla with Less Foreign Policy experience

Mr. I’m better than You, Better than you ever were or will ever be, believe me, the bestest

Presidential Schmemidential

The White and Orange Monster

Macaroni and Cheese Hair

Barbarian at the Debate

The Trumpinator

Mr. Two Scoops of Ice Cream

Nancy’s Nightmare

Donald Chump

Angry Creamsickle

Biden’s Bane

Cheetos Jesus

Mr. Would Destroy Biden in a Debate

Tiny Hands, Big Mouth

The Silent Majority’s next President

Captain Chaos

Cheeto in Chief

Dumpster Trumpster

Defying the Odds Donald

Best Friend to the Fake News’ Ratings

Has some gall for a person that uses two hands to drink water

Crazy Bernie’s Enemy

Personally, I think they haven’t quite found the right one yet. Some of those even seem flattering or worse than “President Tweety.

Meanwhile, I have to live with 1% Joe, Sleepy Joe, Creepy Joe, Quid Pro Joe, Feeble Joe, Drinking Kamala’s Koolaid Joe…my team says it’s just branding, nothing to worry about and no one really listens to Trump. Sure…

Come on, man.

Over a million people signed up to go to the Trump rally. So far, 163 have signed up for my “counter-event” Zoom call. So…. the excitement never ends for my campaign. Yay!

I’m still interested in going to a BLM protest/rally. Skimming the news, I found out a black man was shot in the streets. And the police never even came. No support for the man came. No ambulance, no fire fighters. To me, that’s just a another example of the sad state of affairs for minorities in our country. Especially in communities of color. The ACLU in Chicago has been fighting for more police, more funding in the minority communities for more police support and help for years. Along with some reform and training, the ACLU had been encouraging more police not less. People wait 11 minutes in the poorer communities for response to 911 calls but less than three minutes in the wealthier, white neighborhoods. Doesn’t seem right.

But the man who died senselessly with zero response from any first responders…. This is not something I can get behind. Seems like it would be worth protesting. It happened in a place called CHOP, Washington, wherever that is. I know there is that crazy “defund police” movement —but I will ask the team if I can release a statement about needing more police, at least in CHOP. And maybe Chicago. And Los Angeles. And NYC – those murder numbers are going bonkers. And Detroit. And Atlanta, seems like there is some kind of new pandemic affecting the officers there with many calling in sick. More police in these areas seems reasonable. Right?

Come on, man.

I would love to leave my basement and go protest. I have some great signs in mind I could make. Like:

Fight Evil with Love

Free Speech for all Non-Conservatives

Black Lives Matter Until November 3

Save the Planet – it’s the only one with Pizza

No one is Free when others are Not

I could even make a sign with some names of Black Lives lost recently – just their names, I think that would be powerful! Like:

George Floyd, Breana Leath, Kaia Lafay Grant, Waldis “Jay” Johnson, Dave Patrick Underwood, David Dorn, Toyin Salau #BLM

However, my “all-knowing” staff says I can’t go out, but did say realistically, if they let me, my signs would be more accurate if they said:

Ruh-Roh Now You Made Grandpa Mad

I Don’t Know why I’m Here

Shit’s so bad, they let me out of the basement to protest

I Hate Trump more than He Hates Mexicans

I’ve Been in Politics for 100 years and You are still Protesting the Same Shit

Come, on, Don’t be such a Karen

I’m not sure what that last one meant, but they all got a kick out of it. Must be a millennial thing.

I’ll hold up any sign they say….Let me out already.
Come on, man.

I really thought you couldn’t call people “Uncle Tom” anymore. At least that’s what my staff reminds me before I get on every call. Just in case I forget.

However, there is a film coming out 6/19 called Uncle Tom. I look forward to watching it. Sounds intriguing.

Someone told me today to be careful — that the people marching in the streets aren’t just mad at Trump. They are mad at the inability of government officials at all levels to properly deal with inequities, equal justice and police reform. I’m tied to the 1994 Crime Bill, Trump touts his recent Criminal Justice Reform, the First Step Act and today’s executive order on Police reform that includes no choke holds and co-responder programs to send people better equipped to deal with mental illness and troubling situations than the police. The warning from my staff to be careful – that I’ve been in public life for 100 years and did nothing but put more blacks behind bars while Trump has only had a few years under his belt and has actively worked to get them out…. and that if the truth would really come out then I might look less than great in comparison…..

What are they worried about? I still have the media in my pocket! That stuff will never get out…

Come on, man.

Reflecting on what we talk about at Biden Basement Headquarters. Most of it is about money. How will we raise it, how much do we have, how we will spend it, how much Trump has raised. How can he raise so much money?

Reportedly, Trump raised $10 million Thursday night at one fundraiser. This isn’t the first $10 million dollar night either. He had one right before lock down in Florida. Now, back to in-person campaigning at his first event – $10 million. I have to say “reportedly” because, unlike 2016, we don’t have spies in the campaign and wiretaps on the phones. So we have to guess a little.

I had a HUGE virtual fundraiser the same night. We had hundreds of people and big name celebs like Jay Leno, Jennifer Hudson, John Legend, Barbara Streisand (and more!) – and we raised about 1/10 of what Trump did by himself.

My biggest fundraising day recently was a $2 million haul when Hillary held a virtual fundraiser. The key to my fundraisers really are that OTHER people run them and do most of the talking …. Jill, Amy, Hillary, Mayor Pete, Governor Hair Do Newsome, Kamala, Pocahontas, Beto.. I only have to talk for a couple of minutes – and the others take over and run it. But we can’t have 10 of these a day to try and match Trump.

We have about a week to announce the May fundraising numbers. With creative accounting – pushing much of the Floyd/Minnesota fueled fundraising that occurred the first week of June back into the May numbers, we may get close to matching Trump for May. But then June won’t look as great. Especially with Trump back into full campaign mode.

But, we are also negotiating with BLM and all the various ActBlue charities to get some of the money raised in these large dollar contributions for the MN bail fund or from corporations for protest protections, etc … creatively rerouting these for our campaign. That will help with June. Hey, if people are giving money without knowing exactly where it is going – that’s on them.

Sometimes I think that if we spent less time talking about money and how to get it… and more time actually figuring out how to fix the problems and issues of the country, if we put just a little true grit and effort into dealing with education in the minority neighborhoods and reforming all institutions—if we found better ways to deal with our problems instead of spending all our time finding better ways to get people to send money in for the campaign… if we truly cared about the problems and came up with solutions… the world would be a better place. I wonder if Trump and his campaign people are out there looking at the same sky, thinking the same thing.

Come on, folks.

Today in Dallas, Trump rolled out a plan to reform the police, help poor and minority communities, give police more standards on arrests, work towards more education choices for poor communities — and he also called out the 8 minutes of horror on the street of Minneapolis as a complete disgrace and tragedy (again).

He said he wants a vigorous discussion to ensure fairness, equality and justice for all people. And then proceeded to talk to business, religious and political leaders for hours, coherently.

I was in Philadelphia. I have not yet rolled out my plan to reform the police. Trump’s plan was pretty good, I can probably reword it and introduce it as mine. Maybe throw in a few hashtags and “diversity this” and “inclusion that” and it would be perfect. The media will sell it and probably even say a Trump copied me.

At one point, with my mask hanging off my ear, I said, “I’m beginning to get bored by my own talk.” That, and a few stumbles were replayed in a Tweet by some conservative hack named Hannity. I can say – it didn’t look good when I watched the replay. It was akin to watching paint dry. I can see why I said I was boring. Wow.

One of my staffers was a little too harsh afterwards when he said, “the Biden plan looked good on paper. But it needed someone else explaining it.” Anyway, the press – the press is my point. It’s almost impossible to find that quote anywhere on the internet. It’s pretty hard to find ANY clips of today’s “business roundtable” from Philly. I finally found it on YouTube. But it’s almost like the regular media, google search, etc. didn’t want anyone to see it. Are they working against me? Or for me? Was it really so bad that they are intentionally hiding it? Ok, so it was super long and in some places a little incoherent and hard to understand. But, it wasn’t THAT bad, was it?

Come on, man.

My team likes to use big words and try to pretend they know a lot more than me. So today they were explaining one of my newest talking points to me. The talking point is: President Trump is going to try to steal this election.

The team explained to me that this is Psychological Projection. They blather on with big words trying to impress me, thinking I wouldn’t get it.

They were right about me not understanding their ridiculous attempt to each sound smarter than each other. I also genuinely knew about 1/2 the words they were throwing at me. But I got the overall sentiment. It’s like a magician. Slight of hand. The fine motor skills used by performing artists, mostly magicians, to entertain or manipulate. It is closely associated with close-up magic, card magic, card flourishing and …. stealing.

There are some tricks at play here. Blame Trump for the exact thing we are going to try and do. More dead people voting in the election? I’m not as dumb as they think I am.

Come on, man.

I don’t know what the big deal is with prison. Everyone says it’s so bad… yet I’m basically a prisoner in my own home. And, I like it.

Sure, I’ve been out a few hours in the last 90 days. Kind of like a person in solitary confinement getting some time in the yard. I’ve also had Jill around and a few Secret Service guys. The word is, I’m working from home like many Americans. Officially, the reality is that my team doesn’t want me leaving the house. Or really…. talking to anyone. Every once in a while, I’m allowed to do a short interview — like proof of life. Like I’m kidnapped. Or in prison. Something like that.

In my basement I’ve binge watched some great TV – like Veep. Wow, hilarious. There’s really little else to do. My calls have to be short. My interviews are short also – and then highly edited.

After watching Beverly Hills Cop, Robocop and Die Hard in recent days …. to show my support of police … I thought I would watch another classic called Gone With the Wind. But I couldn’t find it so I watched another great cop movie – Dirty Harry. I’m still dumbfounded that Gone with the Wind wasn’t available. Jill tried to explain why, but none of it made sense. No Gone with the Wind?

Come on, man.

Some supposed black liberal that runs a non-profit activist group called Brightbeam seems to be working hard to make people like me accountable. The group issued a report called:

“The Secret Shame: How America’s Most Progressive Cities Betray Their Commitment to Educational Opportunity for All”

It was a little too long to read, but I skimmed it and got these takeaways:

1. In San Francisco, 70 percent of white students are proficient in math; for black students it’s 12 percent — a 58-point gap.
2. In Washington, D.C., 83 percent of white students scored proficient in reading compared to 23 percent of black students — a 60-point gap.
3. The politically conservative Oklahoma City has turned the tables on our typical thinking about race-based gaps. Black students in Oklahoma City have higher high school graduation rates than white students.
4. Overall, the gaps between white and black students in progressive or Democratic cities were 13- 15 percentage points higher than the gaps between white and black students in Conservative cities. Hmmm.

The report went on and on. Kind of obvious. I could have told the author, Chris Stewart, much more. I know that when Barack and I left the White House in 2016, the numbers were like this in Democratic places:

1. In Philadelphia, only 19 percent of eighth-graders scored proficient in math, and 16 percent were proficient in reading.
2. In Detroit, only 4 percent of its eighth-graders scored proficient in math, and 7 percent were proficient in reading.
3. In 13 of Baltimore’s 39 high schools, not a single student scored proficient on the state’s math exam. In six other high schools, only 1 percent tested proficient in math. Only 15 percent of Baltimore students passed the state’s English test.

what else… oh yeah…

4. The percentage of black students judged to be college-ready in English, math, reading and science was only 17 percent in Massachusetts.

I really could just write about these stats forever. There are so many very bad examples about how our education is failing minorities. Everywhere. But especially in cities run by democrats.

The Brightbeam website says, “All of us, whether we identify as progressive or conservative, should not be satisfied with impassioned rhetoric and token initiatives alone. We need positive action.”

I think my speech writers would beg to differ. And the Democratic Party as a whole. Rhetoric is working. Keeps getting us re-elected, even when faced with the truth about the failure of our policies and the obvious lack of action to better the education for the kids. How could I lose the black vote with these numbers? Who could possibly fall for Trump’s “what have you got to lose”?

Come on, man.

We are on the brink of the movement to save humanity. At least that’s the feeling I get from watching TV, back bunkered at home. I can do a few interviews and watch TV again.

A murderous monster took George Floyd’s life on camera in the streets. We all watched in horror. I feel like humanity knows right from wrong and knows that this act was wrong — and the police person who did it will be punished to the full extent of the law.

The protesters “fighting for the soul of humanity” today usually use three names: George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbury. I’ve read about these three and they seem like tragic deaths that should never have occurred.

But, I’ve been in politics for 100 years. I’ve seen it all. When bad people kill others, rape, pillage, behead journalists, kill children in the street – it’s tragic. When mistakes happen and people lose their lives, it’s tragic. But, we have been fighting for the soul of humanity for as long as I can remember….. there are thousands of tragic situations around the world… just in the past 5-6 years, I can recall a number of horrendous situations. Scars on our collective humanity…. in 2014, when 276 school girls were kidnapped by Boko Haram and raped and used as slaves and forced into marriage — that was tragic. In 2015, a sickening tale emerged of a teen was that was hacked with a machete and forced into a shallow grave in Florida. In 2016, when two illegal immigrants committed felonies by holding down and raping a 13 year old – that was a horrendous situation. Especially since they became fugitives when released on bail and will likely never serve a day behind bars. In 2017, a 4 year old was killed by a hit and run driver as she walked to school.. in 2018, a drunk driver killed four siblings, age 2, 4, 6, and 8 in South Carolina. In 2019, a protester was killed in Hong Kong, they found a serial killer that killed 19 or more senior citizens across Texas, in India four men gang rape a woman and then set her on fire…This year, 2020, we have the three names used most often in the protests, but the list of names that could be added, so many senseless killings – school shootings, drunk drivers, spousal abuse victims, child abuse, rape victims, helpless seniors, the 77 year old David Dorn just trying to protect a pawn shop on Martin Luther King boulevard .. and Coronavirus victims, too — the list could go on for pages and pages. Senseless.

Yesterday, Chicago had its most violent day in 60 years with 18 murders in 24 hours….

We need some serious protests in Chicago about why we allow that violence to continue on the streets of America.

I know my campaign has to be all about the bad, bad, bad Donald Trump. And negativity. Embracing the George Floyd murder has been a boon to my campaign and my fundraising. But, truthfully, I know there are so many bad things out there. The world would be a better place if somehow, just somehow, we could be less divisive and love others truly as we love ourselves.

No child should have to ask why their Daddy died at the hand of a person sworn to protect him. No parent should wonder what happened to their missing child. All men and women, all children – everyone should be treated equal and live in peace.

We can do better.

Come on, folks.