Category: Uncategorized

Holy fuck. Ok. So. Often the secret service comes up with nicknames they call everyone on the radio/coms.

For example, Ronald Reagan was Rawhide and Clinton was Eagle. Barack – Renegade. Trump – Mogul. Jill Biden – Capri.

One word code names. All very cool. And then I find out mine. Ugly Bear Harris!?

First of all, it’s supposed to be one word. Secondly, it’s supposed to be semi-flattering, easy to say, and meaningful for the person.

Apparently, however, there was a wrestler named James Arthur Harris that went by Kamala in the ring. He also went by Bad News Harris, The Mississippi Mauler, Giant Kamala, and Ugly Bear Harris.

Giant would have been a great one for me, and I think it was floated a bit by the White House. But some idiot got ahold of Ugly Bear Harris and it stuck.

So those mother fuckers who also somehow let Trump walk away in Pennsylvania are using Ugly Bear Harris on the coms.

I gotta get that changed to Giant. Or anything else.

Could be Comrade.

I definitely brat, fuckers.

I made a plan to write in this diary every day. But without being able to write down the cackle, the stuff I have to say is pretty boring.

Hugging Biden and saying a bunch of nice things about him also took the life out of me yesterday. Good riddance crypt keeper!

Although this is the only place I really get to talk contemporaneously, I was still just too blahhh to write yesterday. And, at this point, if it’s not written on a teleprompter, it can’t come out of my mouth. Thanks, Obama.

And, at this point, I am losing the bratness I was counting on to keep the kids interested. Fuck ‘em. I can read polls, I’m killing it. Well, Killary was at this point, too. But who’s counting.

I brat? Kinda. Come on, media, I’m counting on you to keep propping me up!

Someone left an anonymous joke in my folder today.

It read:

What’s the difference between Joe Biden and Kamala Harris? Joe leads with charm, Kamala leads with “Harris-ment.”

Wtf. I think they are possibly trying to insinuate that I harass the staff. Just to be clear, I can be a little bitchy at times. But I don’t think kicking them, spitting cherry pits at them, screaming obscenities, and asking them to never look me in the eyes really constitutes harassment.

We are like family. Maybe a dysfunctional communist type of family, but still family. My actions show them I’m in charge. And if they don’t like it, I just say, “don’t let the doorknob hit you on the ass on your way out.” That seems to work.

Also that’s a shitty joke.

And. I brat.

Ok, so kind of a slow day. I mean, all of them have been kind of easy —- go somewhere, smile, wave …DO NOT talk to or answer questions from the media. I have been instructed to NOT go “off script” under any circumstance.

But today… just too much celebrating last night as the demon (or angels!) hackers caused all sorts of problems for Elon Musk and Trump interview.

So, I celebrated another win. Some pretty serious wine drinking last night!

I think I heard once that a hang over is just your body telling you that you’re an idiot.

My head hurts. Wait, does that mean I was an idiot for drinking too much last night, or just an idiot in general? Hmm. That’s quite a riddle. Let’s see, my staff won’t let me talk. Barack won’t let me talk. Makes me wonder.

I’ll have to think about it later…my head hurts, I’m dizzy, and that staffer putting out my tweets or x posts changed my profile picture to one that makes me look like I’m staring into space with a pretty dumb smile like I’m a complete fucking clueless airhead. I need to save up the energy to swear at her, maybe throw a few things at her… just another day on the brat campaign trail.

I am really having fun trolling Trumpy about my crowd sizes. I mean — we are getting pretty good turn outs at the rallies and airport hanger stops — and a few of the dumb bastards even show up without being paid!!

Oh. Michigan. I love that place. I got to try one of their favorite pastimes — cherry pit spitting. So fun. I lined up my staff and spit cherry pits at them. Best thing I’ve done on the campaign trail so far.

I think the staff had fun, too. I let them look at me while I spit at them so I think they enjoyed that novelty. And only one of them quit, which I believe is kind of a slow day for resignations amongst my staff. So all good, and since it’s a swing state — I’ll be back and we can do it again! Yay.

Oh yeah I brat baby.

I was never in charge of securing the border.

At least that’s what we are getting the media to report.

Of course I was the Border Czar, placed in charge by Sleepy Joe himself and during our administration the reality at the border has fundamentally changed and the statistics really just don’t lie. The media can twist them, maybe. They can work on insulating me from the issue, maybe. But the stunning reality is:

The Border Crisis is the Worst in American History

Ok, so I said it. It’s really fucking horrible.

But, you know, it’s just such a horrible, overwhelming issue the kind of issue that’s just horrible and overwhelming and actually horrible. And it’s an issue. It is overwhelmingly an issue that means it is an issue that’s overall overwhelming.

So, I talk about other things. Nothing good would come out of bringing it up. I mean if I do have to, I could just point my finger at someone else – a Republican, maybe – or just blame Trump (even though he was pretty close to fixing the problems at the border and we just threw all the working policies in the trash).

Speaking of Trump, that reminds me of a joke.

—-

So, this guy walks into a Barnes and Noble and says:

“Do you have that new Trump book about how to immediately deport all illegal aliens?”

The employee behind the counter says to the guy, “Get the fuck out of here and don’t ever come back!”

And the customer says, “Yeah, that’s the one. Do you have it in a paperback?”

—-

Ha ha ha ha ha. I’m not sure why that makes me laugh out loud. LOL as they say! It’s really fucking horrible. Not as bad as the crisis at the border, but who’s counting.

And, I brat.

I’m still waiting for the nickname Trumpy will use for me. Seems like he’s been trying a few out:

Incompetent Kamala (not nice, admittedly sometimes accurate, but also not nice)

Krazy Kamala (is that with a K or a C?)

Kamabla (that might have been more funny if it was Kama-BLAH but who’s counting)

Comrade Kamala

Or Comrade Harris (kind of exciting that he used my last name for once!)

But … the Comrade part I just don’t understand.

I’m a Democrat. Ok? Not a “Communist or Comrade”…Ok!? Well, maybe I’m a basically a Democratic Socialist. Or even maybe the Diet Coke of communism. Like, I’m completely in favor of Medicare for All. And I love the Green New Deal. And…

I guess I do have a pretty radical vision for the country — a vision where we would put the dysfunctional, inefficient, corrupt federal government in charge of virtually every part of the American people’s lives… from health care to the kind of cars they can drive….

Maybe go further and take away everyone’s guns and make some speech illegal and try and jail all our political rivals (more than just Trump!) …. And, enact some job-killing tax hikes… maybe get control of everyone’s bank accounts and specify how many airline flights people can take in a year, how much gas they can use in their homes… maybe electricity too — ration it like they do in CA. We could have government take control of private businesses. And… yes, totally take control of the media — definitely state-run media is the ultimate goal — although we are pretty close on that one already…

Oh, the fun we could have. I’m getting dizzy just thinking about it.

I love daydreaming. We have a future, and as the campaign says,

“We’re not going back!”

As much as people might THINK they want to go BACK to the peace and prosperity under Trump, well, they are just dumb.

And, I brat.

Today Barack called and asked me to stop laughing and also to stop talking about things I know nothing about. Or maybe stop talking altogether.

I managed to fumble out a “Whhhaatt?”

So he answers like this.

Comma. La. (He says it just like that —- he kinda drags out my name) — I’ll give you a recent example. When you tried talking about AI… you said, “AI is kind of a fancy thing — first of all, it’s two letters — it means artificial intelligence.”

So sometimes, a lot of times…. (He continued)… when you open your mouth—- you just seem really, really, really dumb.

So what I say to him — brilliantly—is “Uh, ok Mr. President. Thank you.”

I don’t think he watches much TikTok. What I wanted to tell him is —- I’m a Femininomenon! I brat! I’m supposed to get wacky and say dumb things!

It’s true. I know nothing about most things and stumble around and talk in circles. But what does a President need to know anyway!?

But… I just said thank you. I don’t want to cross him — or I’m sure they will take me out of the race and replace me with, oh, I don’t know. Maybe Michelle.

I brat.

So Trumpy may not be brat, but I gotta admit — he is brilliant at one thing — nicknames.

Who can say Hillary without thinking “Crooked Hillary”? Same is true for Sleepy Joe, Little Marco, Hidin’ Biden, No Energy Jeb, and my personal favorite “Pencil Neck Schiff”.

There are others…. Nervous Nancy, Cryin’ Chuck, Mini Mike (Bloomberg), Shifty Schiff, Pocahontas, Crazy Bernie…. This list goes on.

These nicknames tend to stick, too. Amazingly.

I really didn’t understand this new “Tampon Tim” nickname for my running mate though. Does he look like a tampon a little? I was kinda confused until a staffer explained that Walz infamously prioritized tax payer dollars to be spent on tampons and feminine hygiene products in the public school MALE bathrooms….

…EVEN THOUGH Minnesota education testing numbers are in a rapid decline under Walz and:

• The percentage of Minnesota fourth graders not proficient in reading is about 70 percent
• The number of eighth-graders not proficient in math is also about 70%
• Nearly a third of all Minnesota students are chronically absent

And, Minnesota is in the lowest half of states in teacher salaries. They also have a higher student to teacher average than most states. I can imagine that it might seem to regular Americans that putting money into teachers and educational outcomes would make more sense than on tampons in boys bathrooms.

But, I will work my magic with Venn diagrams to explain the logic of tax dollars spent on tampons rather than teachers for most of the country. And, the media will help too, I’m sure.

I wish I could pick my own nickname. It seems like Trump is leaning towards incompetent Kamala. There are so many better ones he could use. I’ll have to think, but Kick-Ass Kamala has a nice ring to it. Better than “one her knees Kamala” certainly.

I brat.

A “friend” from California just texted me to tell me she’s voting for Trump. (%#+!$&)

Here is the text:

I’m sorry Kamala, but I’m voting for Trump. It’s really actually not about voting for Trump – the person – but I feel strongly that a vote for Trump/Vance is a vote for:
– the First Amendment and freedom of speech
– the Second Amendment and my right to defend my life and my family
– the next Supreme Court Justice(s) to protect the Constitution and the Bill of Rights
– the continued growth of my retirement and a reduction in inflation
– the Police to be respected once again and to ensure Law & Order
– the securing of our borders (I can’t believe we have actually flown close to a half million illegal immigrants into our country on our taxpayers dime!)
– doing away with all of the freebies given to all of the illegals while not looking after the needs of the American citizens and veterans.
– peace progress in the Middle East

and ….

– the return of teaching vital curriculum such as math, history, English and science instead of indoctrination of our children and focus on pronouns

– the protection of women’s sports — I do not want our girls forced to compete unfairly against athletes born as males….

Kamala, I’m sorry but I’m not just voting for one person, I’m voting for the future of my Country. And I want that future in Trump’s hands. Not yours.

Omg.

I can’t believe the nerve on this chick. She must not have watched all the TikToks saying how brat I am!

I brat.