Author: whitehousebound16@gmail.com

Trump was in some Dakota yesterday and he’s there today for the July 4th holiday. Last night he gave a speech that Devin Nunes says was the key speech of his presidency. I didn’t watch it. All the news outlets said it was dark and divisive. Well, except the F word news channel that had Nunes and one good looking Marine who said they loved it. Weird how the F word channel just doesn’t get it. You’re the media. You attack conservatives – you hate Trump – didn’t they get the memo?

Busy week where I did a few interviews of a few minutes each. I had all the questions ahead of time and practiced my answers. It did sound like I got my own name wrong in one, but otherwise, did pretty well.

I also spent countless hours trying to record my 4th of July address/statement. My team said I would be better recording all my comments whenever possible so I can get the words out and sound relatively connected to them. It takes practice, but after some creative editing, we got a good piece to present. Little “radical” for my taste, but that seems to be all the rage so I guess it’s ok. I asked them to delete the part where they showed protestors burning the American flag. Seemed a little off-pudding for a July 4th address, but what do I know?

The beaches are all closed again everywhere. Just to torture people I think. Seems like a safe place – outside, warm weather… easy to social distance. But, again, what do I know? Why are they closed?

I did seem to upset my team when I asked them that question. So, I held off on the other questions I have like:

Should Cuomo be criminally prosecuted for killing the elderly in NY by mandating that nursing homes take Covid positive patients?

Why were we giving free coffee and food to first responders to thank them 45 days ago and now we hate them?

How long until the Clintons figure out a way to “suicide” Ghislane Maxwell?

Why do some trucks have spikes on the outside of their tire rims?

Are there really mermaids?

If the #2 Pencil is so good, why isn’t it called a #1 Pencil?

What’s Blexit?

How is Herman Cain feeling after catching the Corona flu?

Who is going to be the VP pick? Does it have to be a woman?

Is there a way to stop Trump from coming up with a Covid vaccine coincidentally a few days before the election?

When does the next impeachment hoax start?

What is Obama’s last name?

Why, if I’m so far ahead in all the polls, is there a poll that says that likely voters overwhelmingly think Trump will win?

I have so many questions, I could make a list that is longer than a Sunday afternoon in my basement. That reminds me, it’s so cold here in the basement it would freeze the balls off a pool table. Gotta get Dr. Jill to help me figure out the HVAC controls. Where is that woman when I need her? And why do they make thermostats so hard to figure out?

Come on, man.

So here I am, running for the soul of America. The nice, respectful candidate. The anti-Trump. Elect me and you can be sure that I will be Presidential; I will be be calm and bring grace back to the White House. The world leaders will understand that all of America is a decent and good country again after the tumultuous four years under Crazy Cheetos Face.

At least that’s the point of putting me on the ticket.

But today, after refusing to talk to reporters for 97 days, after completing refusing any press conferences, and after not showIng my face at any events unless everything was scripted….

Today, I took a few questions from reporters.

Why? Maybe it was a little test to see how I’ll do if I’m allowed to speak again. I mean no one actually thinks I can sit in my basement until November without a few press questions.

So, what’s the issue? Well, I got a little stressed by a question and called a reporter a “Lying Dog Face”. I mean, who really wants to answer questions? I certainly won’t once I’m President. Why would I? Trump calls the media the enemy of the state… I can certainly call reporters lying dog faces. No one could possibly blame me or think this is not the way a President should act.

Come on, man.

I asked the team, “who is Thomas Sowell and does he know he’s black?” this morning on our call.

I was met with blank stares. I asked the question because I was linked to a Twitter account yesterday where a quote of his was posted that said:

“It is self-destructive for any society to create a situation where a baby who is born into the world today automatically has pre-existing grievances against another baby born at the same time, because of what their ancestors did centuries ago.” – Thomas Sowell

The call went very quiet for a while. I thought I accidentally pressed the mute button or turned the volume off.

Finally someone said something to the effect of “don’t worry, he’s a little known economics guy at Stanford. No one really listens to him. He gives no interviews. His views are way too controversial. Sure, he’s educated and has written a ton of books, but he’s an outlier. Don’t worry.”

I looked him up. Kind of an amazing story about being a high school drop-out in Harlem to going on to graduating from Harvard and University of Chicago and maybe Columbia. Lots of schools. Now somehow linked to Stanford. And, yes, black. He has written around 25 books and some of his more famous quotes are:

“I have never understood why it is “greed” to want to keep the money you have earned but not greed to want to take someone else’s money.”

“In liberal logic, if life is unfair then the answer is to turn more tax money over to politicians, to spend in ways that will increase their chances of getting re-elected.”

“If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago and a racist today.”

“Freedom had cost too much blood and agony to be relinquished at the cheap price of rhetoric.”

“Liberalism is totalitarianism with a human face.”

“Too much of what is called “education” is little more than an expensive isolation from reality.”

“The welfare state is not really about the welfare of the masses. It is about the ego of the elites.”

And so so so many more.

Literally, the guy is a living, breathing, walking quote machine. Way too much common sense. And a black conservative? I thought the only ones were Diamond, Silk and the my pillow guy’s friend, Herman Cain.

I ordered one of his books that defend charter schools. Apparently black students have been able to overcome the white-black education gap in charter schools in places like New York but there is a backlash by liberals, teachers unions, etc. against these schools. Not sure why – I really don’t understand. I would think that it would be a goal to get these minorities great educations. But, there is quite a bit I don’t understand, I guess. Probably my best play would be to read his books and say and do the opposite. He had one quote that makes sense to me about my own campaign and my party:

“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”

Wait, that wasn’t it.

“Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it.”

Nope, that wasn’t it either. Here it is:

“The most basic question is not what is best, but who shall decide what is best.”

Yep, that’s the one. It should be ME that decides what’s best. Or, actually a team of elites and intellectuals that tell me what to say. They’ll tell me what to tell you about what you are allowed to want, say, think – we’ll tell you what’s best.

Come on, man.

A few days ago we were having a great discussion about possible nicknames for Trump. My favorite was Crazy Cheeto Face but it didn’t even make the possible list. Today, sitting on a Zoom, we were going through some of the nicknames for me that have been used:

Bunkered Biden

Where’s Hunter

Sleepy Joe

Creepy Joe

1% Joe (sounds like coffee, but they told me it was because when I used to run for President before the great Barack years, I could never get more than 1% of the vote)

Crime Bill Joe

Low IQ Joe

Joe, a great friend to Segregationists

King of the Swamp, Joe

Walking Gaffe Machine

Inappropriate Man

Crazy Uncle Joe

Amtrak Joe

Hugoholic

Diamond Joe

Quid Pro Joe

Democrat’s Safest Play

Not Trump

Media Darling

Fake News Sweetheart

Sleepy Creepy Joe

China Joe

Average Joe

Below Average Joe

Cornpop’s Killer

The World’s Oldest Man

Hairy-leg Joe

As Bad as Hillary

High-Tax High-Crime Joe

Nitwit Nancy’s pal

Hold your nose and Vote for Joe

AOC’s Puppet

Scaredy Cat Joe

Nervous Nancy’s Pal

Where was all this support when I had a functioning brain, Joe

The Swampman

Record Player Joe

Scared of the Press Joe

Hunter’s Dad

Where’s Hunter’s Dad

Corrupt Joe

Crooked Joe

Joebama

Dr. Jill’s Husband

7-minute Joe

and

Hiden Biden

Personally, I think the Sleepy Joe is what Trump is sticking to. Nicknames really don’t matter, says my team. Except when they cross over into defining a person. My team explained their recent experience with a few focus groups. They asked the focus groups to give a few one word adjectives to describe me. Here is what the most used words were, I think in order:

Good, idiot, incompetent, clown, old, okay, average, senile, dumb, loser, creepy, sad, joke, intelligent, buffoon, honest, sleepy, scared, moron, ridiculous.

Good news and bad news.

The Good News: the top three most used words to describe me: good, idiot, and incompetent. Those are not used an ANY nickname. Creepy and sleepy didn’t even make the top 10! Suck it, Trump and your dumbass nicknames.

The Bad News? Some of those top descriptive words don’t actually give my team the impression that the electorate is impressed or excited about me as a candidate.

So, we have some work to do. Or, we just stay in the basement and keep hoping Trump takes down Trump. Seems to be working so far. Hiden Biden. Has a good ring to it.

Come on, man.

July 4th has always been a great day for me. A celebration of America. The good and free. Sure, maybe we have more problems than I can shake a stick at….but I’ve been in politics for 100 years and most of the Democrats at the helm have also. It seems hard to say how bad the country and government programs to help the people are – like education and stuff – when the people running it forever haven’t fixed it. Trump has had 3 years – those in democratic power have had a billion years combined – Cryin’ Chuck Schumer 39 years, Nitwit Nancy 33 (seems like yesterday she looked like a pinup), low IQ Maxine (who does her hair!?) 29 years – and me 100 years or maybe a couple more, who can keep track. I can’t remember what I had for lunch. But Trump is the problem.

I’m not sure what point I was trying to make. I look at my upcoming events schedule and I got nothing on July 4th. Maybe it’s not my holiday anymore. Yours, but not mine. I’ll see what Trump says and does and do the opposite? Maybe get a few sparklers to do in my basement.

Dr. Jill asked me a question. America’s freedom is celebrated on July 4th. Many black Americans celebrate it fervently and have since after the Civil War ended and the freedom was finally given to them. So July 4th is for everyone. But some blacks celebrate on July 5th because on the first July 4th they weren’t really free. The blacks also have Juneteenth to celebrate – final emancipation or something like that.
Dr. Jill’s point was, I think … when do the women celebrate? They aren’t free yet, I guess. White men voted before women, black men voted before women. Women, even in my campaign, are underpaid. We had a black President. But never a woman President or even VP.
When is the woman’s celebration? There was a woman’s march! “The Women’s March was a joke,” she says. I have no idea how to respond to any of these so I just nod and pretend to be very busy with something (which I’m sure doesn’t fool her in the least). Maybe I’ll ask that smart chick on my campaign. I have a woman “running” my campaign and I’ll pick a woman VP. Doesn’t that count for anything? Jill should just go back to the kitchen where she belongs.

Come on, man.

Coronavirus positive cases are spiking. One day this week, California had 6,666 cases. Eerie number. A sign? Maybe.

The largest numbers are reportedly coming from the less vulnerable population under 30 years of age. What has been happening to get all these young people infected?

It can’t be the protests. I watch CNN. In every single photo or video of the protests, the happy youngsters were standing six feet apart and they all had masks and were all 100 percent peaceful.
I also heard that Trump personally looted and burned down all the stores to make the wonderful, perfect, aspirational protestors look bad.

These latest attacks on monuments and statues? It’s been a few days since NY Times, Wallstreet News Explorer or whatever – probably a hundred news outlets – have asked my opinion on what’s happening.

I’m still waiting for my team to draft a statement. Wonder if response time will speed up when I’m in the White House? Or, if I’ll get to say my own opinion after November 3rd and not have to wait for a focus group or group of advisors to tell me what my opinion is.

Come on, man.

I wish I was in Wisconsin looking at ships like Trump got to do today. Saw that on the news – looked so fun and cool. And Presidential. Standing in the crowd, lots of flags everywhere, announcing big, huge deal to get military ships built. So cool.

Me? I got to leave the basement for a only a few hours. At this point, I don’t think I’m getting enough Vitamin D. I’m sure I have sunlight deprivation. I think it’s causing my brain to be a little mushy. So much so that today I said something mortifyingly stupid.

Luckily, the press edited my “mistake” in most videos to make me look better. Unbelievably I said that 120 million people have now died in US because of the Coronavirus (that’s almost 1/2 the population of the US) — kind of a large mental mushy brain moment. 120 million! Not that bad if they were Trump voters, I guess.

Well, by now, I don’t think anyone expects me to actually put two sentences together. So it’s probably fine. But my issue – after watching a few clips on the news — my question is why couldn’t someone remind me to take the mask off my face when I’m speaking. I just can’t remember to get that right. Sometimes it’s hanging from my ear, or covering my chin. Today, it just looked ridiculous.

Speaking of looking ridiculous – who changed my Twitter photo? I had heard about a million times that the twitter photo is supposed to be flattering. The new photo of me with a mask on? It just makes me look weak, scared, or maybe like a thief in the night that will steal all your hard-earned money. All of those adjectives are way too close to home.

Weak – well, many people have said my election strategy is weak, my fundraising and cash on hand is weak and that my biggest weakness is Joe Biden (were you thinking Hunter?)

Scared – well, folks, scared isn’t actually the right word. Terrified. That’s better. Terrified of debating Trump. No. Terrified my TikTok account was deleted. No. Terrified that I have a TikTok account. Maybe. Wait I heard a joke I can never ever tell because I would probably be called a racist. Here it is: Where does a Mexican go when he gets scared?
Hispanic Room. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Thief – well, I do plan to raise taxes, get a bunch of feasibility studies on reparations and basically waste (steal?) money taken from every single working person in the USA – if I’m elected. What’s worse than reparations which takes money from people who never had slaves and gives it to people who never were slaves? How about just spending a ton of tax payer money with friends and relatives (and friends of relatives) to do a bunch of government and private studies ON reparations (like millions and millions and millions of dollars) but then never actually giving any money to anyone who really needs it? That’s big government. The pillar of my platform.

But, I digress. I just need to get that Twitter photo switched back.

Come on, man.

The virtual fundraiser with Barack was pretty good. I didn’t think he looked like he had a gun to his head when he said, “I am here to say the help is on the way if we do the work because there’s nobody I trust more to be able to heal this country and get back on track than my dear friend Joe Biden.”
One of my team said he looked forced, like we had kidnapped one of his kids and was holding her ransom – or like there was a gun to his head – when he said that. To me, it looked perfectly natural. Agree to disagree.

We raised $11 million. $7 million or so from people watching. Some other money from big donors to try and get the total to be more than $10 million. Trump made $10 million during the Tulsa rally, a couple of recent fundraisers and $14 million this month for his birthday. So, with some creative accounting – we got over the $10 million hump with Obama, the most popular man alive. Next to Trump, I guess.

Tonight, virtual Pride March fundraiser. Wanted to dye my hair pink or rainbow or something but Dr. Jill said no.

No fun for me. Back to the basement. The least they could do for me is let me dye my hair!

Come on, man.

So the team put together a list of statues that are being destroyed, burned, and toppled across the country. Some I heard about:

Gandhi – known for his non-violent protests that freed India, but at one point wrote some “racist” comments

George Washington – the founding father of our great nation, but was a slave owner … and why would we need any reminder of the first President?

Franklin Roosevelt – led the USA to destroy the Nazis and stopped the genocide of Jews and Homosexuals and others – but interned Japanese Americans so basically let’s not have anyone ever look at him again in statue form.

Abraham Lincoln – wore a cool hat, is on the penny and freed the slaves, but may have also had some bad stuff about him.

Then there are a bunch of confederate people – many went back to the South after the Civil War and actually helped the freed slaves by building schools for them, providing portions of land for them, ensuring they had medical care and protection — even Robert E. Lee, arguably the best Confederate General – wasn’t even pro-slave and was working on plan to free his own slaves years before the Civil War. True, in most cases the statues could hold lessons for the viewers and help people understand history with added explanation … but, completely destroyed? Yes. I guess.

Theodore Roosevelt – invited the first black man to eat in the White House, extremely smart, Nobel Peace prize winner, helped America in many ways but maybe someone didn’t like his books or something. Just a guess. He wrote like 50. Maybe we gotta start some book burning, too? Get rid of those?

Ulysses S. Grant – I’m not sure I even know much about him, but I’m pretty sure no one that pulled down his statue even recognized he was the 18th President. But he probably was bad since there are statues of him.

Jesus Christ – of course. The guy is white. Anything with that guy has to go. Understandable.

Andrew Jackson – now this is the worst, he was for the common man. He was basically the man behind the start of the Democratic Party. Why, oh why are they attacking him? Sure he owned hundreds of slaves. But, first Democratic President – isn’t that worth something. They are eating their own!

Oh wait, I wanted to write down some ideas before I forget…

I have some ideas to present to my team in the morning.
1. I want to put on my Presidential website that I will change the name of the White House when I’m in. I’ll also paint one side black and brown and the other side a rainbow.

2. I’ll let all statues be removed across the country, unless they are of Barack. And, I will burn all of Roosevelt’s books. Or other books that could be offensive. Art, statues, and books – all offensive stuff must go. Who decides what’s offensive? I’ll pick a group.

3. All holidays need to be changed. Just too many offensive words. Like Columbus, Veteran’s, Labor, CHRISTmas, St. Patrick (white!) — just some bad shit.

AND, I really need to push back on my team’s most recent excuse for not letting me out of the basement….

“Joe, what if these protestors mistake you for an old racist statue and spray paint and topple you – it’s not implausible that it could happen.”

I gotta push back on that. How dumb do they think I am?

Come on, man.

I hope no one every sees this Uncle Tom Film.

It discusses the greatness of America for blacks. It expresses that the individual rights and what America stands for – the path of liberty, freedom, individual responsibility and rights… are what means everything. That racism and the thought that blacks are being systematically oppressed today is being sold to us by a media elite and it’s being bought like crack cocaine, but no less damaging to the communities of color.

If black America sees this, they may leave the Democratic Party in droves. If white America sees it, same. Google has made it really difficult to find it on a search so may not be an issue. Larry Elder – never will I say this out loud – but he is pure genius.

On a positive note, we raised a lot of money in May. We had 17 virtual fundraisers with large named stars – Streisand, etc. Trump didn’t have any. Maybe he was busy with other things…

So, the numbers on May 31 show we almost have HALF the money that the Republicans have. My team seems worried that June is going to be hot for Trump, with a few big dollar fundraisers, $14 million raised in 24 hours for his birthday and over 11 million people who watched his rally just on his website – not counting those who watched it on TV – the RNC could have some incredible numbers for June. He’s back on the fundraising trail. Me, in my basement.

The Obama fundraiser this week should be huge. I’ve been told to let him do ALL the talking. In fact, behind the camera pointed at me on all Zoom meetings there are a few signs that say stuff like:

“Speak only if a question is directed AT YOU”

“STFU”

“Stay Awake”

“Don’t touch your face”

“Look at Camera”

“Just don’t be Yourself”

It is almost like they don’t trust me! I don’t know why. I’m almost the most powerful man on the planet, or will be in a few months. That’s what the polls say, anyway.

Come on, man.