Elevator Speech

The border crisis is out of control, inflation is killing the middle and lower class, homelessness is at an all time high, crime is ramping up (maybe partially because of the first three things)… and most middle and lower class Americans feel they are worse off than when Trump left office.

The wealthy are fine. My administration has done well for the wealthy. I like to say Trump is only going to help the wealthy, but during my administration we’ve done pretty poorly with the lower and middle class — but just great for the wealthy. What do they say — the proof is in the pudding?

Anywho. Back to my original thought. Elevator speech. Pretty much every single person trying to get a job, or running for office — high school student council and perhaps the President of the United States — needs an “Elevator Speech” or a short few words that they can use to introduce themselves or “sell themselves” if you will.

I was given plenty of opportunities to use that elevator speech this week.

— on “The View”

“What would you do differently than Biden” … insert elevator speech here — but instead I said “nothing comes to mind”

— on “The Late Show”

“What would the major changes be under your administration”… insert elevator speech here — but instead I said “I’m not Joe Biden”

— on “The Howard Stern Show”

“I’m voting for you. But I would also vote for that wall over there.” … insert outrage that I was compared to a wall and then my elevator speech on why he should want to vote for ME, not just ANYTHING or ANYONE except Donald — but instead I just cackled.

I’ve had the past few months — actually, if I think about it — my entire adult life to work on a 20-30 second explanation of who I am, what I stand for, and why people should support me.

And the best I can do is, “I’m not Biden, and I’m not Trump.”

My staff says that’s good enough. And, even if we practiced the elevator speech a hundred times that — unless they held up a teleprompter for me with the exact words for me to read — I’d probably turn it into a meaningless word salad or start to tout my Marxist values anyway. So, they tell me to stick with “you’re not Biden” because that is what has created the most excitement amongst the Democrats anyway. Certainly not anything else I say or do. I don’t think that’s very nice, but maybe they are right?

My favorite wine just got more expensive. That sucks. The morgues are full in NC, but I did a photo op in front of a plane of supplies (that never ended up going to NC because of “mechanical issues” — but who’s counting?) so that seems good.

Maybe I’ll talk to the staff about giving another rousing speech about shrinkflation or price-gouging… Not that I have plans to do anything about it. Except maybe drink more wine.

We good.

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