Ménage a Trois 2

I’m not a brain surgeon and I don’t speak French. But I sure as hell know a two on one when I see it.

Technically last night’s debate should be a 3 on 1 — Walz and the moderators versus Vance.

But Walz was hardly a factor. In my mind he went from the creepy school teacher you suspect has bodies buried in his back yard to …. to the reason shampoo bottles need instructions or the one the flight attendants are talking to when they explain seatbelts… or even the guy who asks if he’s spelling his own name right when he’s filling out his name tag. He was a complete idiot and, by contrast, made Vance look like well, a — brain surgeon.

I thought we were the party of joy — but for me — the only joy Walz brought to the debate was when he left the stage.

He even called himself a knucklehead!!! I mean— who wants a knucklehead for a VP?

And Vance? He basically put on a clinic on how to destroy another person in a debate but be very civilized and nice about it. It was a thing of beauty. He went from the weird guy no one knew (but they thought he was weird since that’s all we say about him, and the media echoes it) to a respectful man — President-like — unwavering and articulate. The viewers saw a man that — if he became President, would be serious, brilliant and well-respected. And a man that clearly has Americans’ best interests at heart.

Ugh.

The only good thing is that my staff and I had a drinking game— and we took a drink every time Walz’s eye bugged out of his head or he looked dazed and confused, or he lied but wasn’t fact-checked. We were all seriously hammered by the end of it all. So… his embarrassing loss to Vance wasn’t as painful with the alcohol pulsing though my veins.

But this morning? My head hurts, I feel like I’m going to throw up, and it’s not even from the booze, I don’t think. Some things you just can’t unsee, and Walz’s “deer in headlights” look is one of those. I’m sick to my stomach at the thought of … being in same room with him and having to grin and say things like, “Walz was amazing” and … and I’m feeling like a little throw-up is going to come into the back of my mouth when I have to say this, “I’m so happy to have Walz as my running mate; he is going to be a great VP.”

I am holding out hope that I’m not the only person in America who just can’t stand the guy. Well, the media has really become the best supporter of the Democratic Party and have no shame lying to everyone. The people who didn’t actually witness this uncomfortable awkward Walz performance will be told he was amazing and Vance is still a weirdo.

We probably good…. if I can avoid actually throwing up. Seriously, ugh. And triple ugh.