I guess I should be happy. Oprah is hosting a fantastic event for me and Tampon Tim in Michigan.
I should be grateful and happy. But I’m not. I am pissed. It’s just not fair that they only want me to me say thirty five words.
It is a 90 minute show. And me, soon to be leader of the free world — I got 35 words. About 11 seconds.
The so-called status meeting for the day, before the event, was less about the general status of our campaign and more of a nasty lecture to me from the handlers —- telling me in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed to talk.
We are close, they say. We can’t afford anymore idiotic word salads from you. We can’t afford you opening your mouth and proving your incompetence to the public. Just smile, say these 35 words we are going to practice until you get them exactly right… and that’s it.
It’s just not fair. Bush famously said he loved being President because no one could make him eat his vegetables — or something like that. And me? No control.
They let Walz bumble around and skip and laugh with his dumb mouth as much as he wants. He’s a total fucking goofball — and they let him talk.
“We can’t afford the dumb things you are bound to say be broadcast to millions.”
I just wanted to talk a bit about how we’ve reduced crime in my administration. Farmington Hills, where the event took place, is one of the safest places in the USA, for example. I was definitely not going to talk about crime in the rest of Michigan. No fucking way. Certainly I would avoid mentioning the illegal immigrant that was recently arrested for a breaking into a home to sexually assault two young children, or the organized crime rings made up of aliens that are targeting homes in southeast Michigan for break-ins and robberies, or the two recent brutal killings in the country nearby by some undocumented immigrants, or the asylum seekers recently arrested for trying to solicit sex with minors. I may not be a brain surgeon but I would have the brains just to talk in meaningless circles — say crime is down, then talk in more meaningless circles — everyone loves that, right?
But they say, “listen very carefully— we let some more rich, liberal Hollywood elites tell people how to vote — and you keep your pie hole fucking shut.”
Wow. We good? No, no fucking good. Thanks, Obama.