I’m Kamala Fucking Harris, also known as Momala, Comrade Commala — whatever. What matters is — I’m a Kamalanomenon.
One hell of a phenomenon— taking America by storm. Mostly because I’m not the old guy; our party isn’t led by the crypt keeper sleepy Joe now. We finally have a nominee that can walk up stairs and finish sentences (sometimes), and… well, basically a candidate that is alive.
How long will the phenomenon last? Hard to tell. Right now, they figure if I can hide out until November — of course a few rallys here and there and I MIGHT have to do the debate (might not… they said … we’ll see, they said) — but the less time in front of cameras is better — and then maybe I can ride this enthusiasm wave all the way to the election.
With 65 days to go, the staff seems very very very concerned…
What’s worrying everyone? I’m a literal Kamalanomenon.
Well….
The American voter’s top three priorities are:
1. The economy and prices
2. The immigration “crisis”
3. Safety/Rising Crime
My big campaign priorities are:
1. Promising to protect women by allowing them to kill their unborn babies up until the minute before birth and
2. Allowing anyone to come across the border as I have for past years while I was in office — criminals, human traffickers— whoever wants to come in, let them come
And
3. Protecting the world from the existential threat of the “climate crisis” even if it jeopardizes people’s freedom, costs them more, requires higher taxes, takes away basic needs, travel, work, jobs, etc.
So… my priorities are slightly different but still awesome. People love me, my smile, my laugh, my whole vibe.
And when it comes time to actually vote?
Well, the polls do show that they trust Trump to manage the economy and the border and crime more than they trust me to.
And while I was up in all the polls and even with the Vegas bookmakers, this is starting to slide a bit. The Vegas bookies — they now believe we both have a 49.1% chance of winning the election.
So…. 65 days to go. Could it be a nail biter?
Just remember — I’m a Kamalanomenon, and I can keep hiding from the press, and wait this thing out. The media, Hollywood, the liberal elites —- they all have my back. We good. Right?