We had that lengthy interview and seven minutes of it were heaven. Well, if you don’t ever look at Walz. Yuck.
They ended up airing 17 1/2 minutes, but really they should have stuck to the good 7.
I only mispronounced Dana’s name three times during the interview. They kept one in the edited version, maybe to make me look a little more human.
It’s “Dan a” — not Dane a. Like it’s Comma La not Ka Mala.
When people mispronounce my name, we call them rude — obviously they are intentionally dehumanizing me — we even make up stuff about them and persecute them and sometimes playfully call them Hitler.
When I mispronounce people’s names it is cute and endearing. There’s no double standard with anything. It’s just facts. Facts all the time.
Like the “facts” I said in the interview. Inflation is down. Fact. When we took office it was 1.2% and now it’s 3.2% so it’s not down. But as long as I say it, and get the media to report that, we good.
Same with crime. I say it’s down. Most people know it’s actually up. But cities no longer have to report crimes, and we changed the rules so most shoplifting isn’t even a reportable crime anymore anyway. So while crime is way way way way way worse, we just say it’s better and that is the fact. We really should teach a class called “Liberal Math: How to Distort the Numbers and Make People Believe Them.” Basically, you make up numbers, repeat them a lot, and get the media to regurgitate it. I’m pretty sure Gavin Newsome has his Doctorate in Fake Liberal Math. But he sounds so so good. I need to work a bit on my delivery, I guess. One of the staffers said I seemed a little petrified and tired. I tried little Gen Z fucker.
Anyway, I think the highlight was my answer to fracking. I said, “When we invest in clean energy and electric vehicles and reduce population, more of our children can breathe clean air and drink clean water.” Reduce population? I didn’t mean that… I was supposed to say pollution. Freudian slip, they might say. But really, I’m pretty sure I just misspoke and was supposed to say pollution. Reducing population — that’s well, a conspiracy theory — that many “leaders” like me want to control population, or reduce it by spreading disease, by forcing unsafe vaccines, endless wars and by… well, the things. Most conspiracy theories are just theories though.
I’m taking a day off. I deserve it. I’m mean — one interview and a short bus tour with Walz was more than this future leader of the world could manage. It is a rest day or maybe a few… that would be nice.
Mai Tai me…