Couple of issues.
One, my staffers told me we have some basically deranged lunatic planting signs everywhere (going viral as some call it) saying crazy things like “Illegal Aliens for Harris” and “Drug Traffickers for Harris” and “Shoplifters for Harris” and of course my least favorite is “Sheep for Harris”.
Everyone knows sheep can’t vote. Of course the others are for me; they should be for me. Especially shoplifters.
I was an amazing attorney general from 2011-2017 in California and helped produce a fucking awesome cocktail of activist prosecutors, pro-crime initiatives and efforts to undermine police – all of which emboldened a culture of theft. And now — it’s an $8 billion per year industry where organized “rip crews” strip an entire store, resell the goods, and return to steal again.
I, of course, in the name of equity and wrapped in some bullshit about getting more money for schools (I’m not even sure how people believed that one) inaugurated a heyday for shoplifters. With California Prop 47 pushed and passed in my tenure, police cannot arrest anyone for shoplifting under $950 worth of goods.
Shoplifters have to love me. It’s a boon for their business.
Of course, a growing number of retailers and businesses are leaving California cities due to the losses and also unsafe conditions for customers and employees… but who’s counting?
Once I’m in the Presidency, we can make more incredible changes like that — but like — across the country. Just because it made San Francisco look like a dumpster fire, I’m sure it would be fine everywhere else.
But … It’s the other issues I need to worry about.
1. Freedom of speech should not apply to that guy with the signs. Good thing I got Walz as my VP who doesn’t even believe in freedom of speech. Maybe he can help figure a solution to that and other pesky “hate speech” (the criticism of me)?
2. I have to take the torture bus with Walz again. I almost poked my eyes out when we were together on it in Pennsylvania. And this time – through Georgia!? I can’t imagine anything worse.
And
3. I promised a sit-down interview before the end of August. So. That’s gotta happen. Fuck. Need practice answers. Need practice answers. Say freedom a lot. Probably throw around “the Republicans worship a convicted felon” a few times or something like “MAGA extremism is the devil’s playground” or … as they all keep telling me — stick to the script we give you.
It’s harder than it looks.