Thanks, Obamas

Literally. They killed it.

But first, the First Gentleman, Dougie. He talked about me like I was there. Even pointing up at the crowd like, “there she is…” Awkward.

But I wasn’t there.

I was in Milwaukee. One of my staffers explained it’s the home of beer and cheese and high crime. And, top ten of the most dangerous cities in America. It’s also second in list of poorest cities of the largest 50 cities. A pretty bad place to be black, where the lead pipes in the black and poor neighborhoods have one in 10 kids at “dangerous” levels of lead in their bloodstream. And, abysmal education. Only about 15 percent of Milwaukee Public School third- through eighth-graders were rated proficient in English language arts (including reading), and more than half were rated as “below basic,” the lowest category on Wisconsin’s tests.

I’m making a note not to put Milwaukee on the list of “Democratic Successes.”

I could have been in Chicago.

I should have been in Chicago.

But, Obama said, “I got this. Also, can you try to smile like a regular person? Your smile is just weird.” Thanks, Obama.

Michelle came out looking like a James Bond villain, Obama with his usual swagger. I know Michelle hates me, but did I have to be banished to Siberia (Milwaukee) on the big night of the DNC!?

I could have been in Chicago where the leftist protestors are holding up signs like, “Thanos was right — except the Blip should have gotten rid of the Jews.” Not sure what that means but the staffers were in a tizzy over it.

It’s gonna be a hard road. I missed the Obama speech, but tonight I get Walz and Pelosi. Great. In a world where you can work hard and achieve your dreams I wonder if Pelosi’s dream was to look like a crazy old lady. It’s the eyebrows. So everyone else got America’s sweethearts and I get Tampon Tim and Nervous Nancy. Beautiful.

I am in no mood to be brat.

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