Reporters love me. I make their job easy. I don’t go many places. I don’t have a lot of events. The events I do have are small and easily covered. I rarely answer questions and sometimes, if I do, I provide them the questions. I go further and make it super easy by giving them acceptable talking points for their reporting of the events. Piece of cake.
And, I call a lot of “lids” (like today) at 9 or 9:30am and give them all the day off.
The reporters on my campaign have it easy peasy lemon squeezy… that’s why I’m so beloved. Especially in contrast to the other side…! The reporters covering the mean orange man are given a non-stop fury of events all over the place with not a moment’s rest.
Today, my lid was at 9am so we can practice for the debates. Today we are working on tone and enunciation. Sure, some of the work is on content, but most of that is like, “twist everything to be a negative to Trump — use charged words like bad, uneducated, unfit, uncouth, mean, hateful, bigoted, racist, soulless, monster, killer” — that’s the main important content I have to remember.
My team’s main complaint is that they think I have “two speeds” —
- Slow
- Loud
I tried saying “Loud really isn’t a speed” but I guess my team begs to differ. They rolled their eyes and said, “get back behind the podium, Grandpa.” Here were their more detailed descriptions:
- Slow – also “mumbling, incoherent, blunder-filled, boring, charmless, appearing confused or incompetent”…. none of their descriptions sound nice.
- Loud – also “yelling, crotchety, irritable, grumpy, lecturing, boring, odd, incoherent, nonsensical, appearing confused or incompetent”… also just not nice.
I am trying to stay calm and be more charming…. and have an open mind to their ideas. They are telling me all I have to do is stay upright for 90 mins and that should good enough to be pronounced the winner of the debates. I think I can do that! (Hopefully)
Break time over – back behind the podium, Joe.
Come on, man.