Andrew Jackson

So the team put together a list of statues that are being destroyed, burned, and toppled across the country. Some I heard about:

Gandhi – known for his non-violent protests that freed India, but at one point wrote some “racist” comments

George Washington – the founding father of our great nation, but was a slave owner … and why would we need any reminder of the first President?

Franklin Roosevelt – led the USA to destroy the Nazis and stopped the genocide of Jews and Homosexuals and others – but interned Japanese Americans so basically let’s not have anyone ever look at him again in statue form.

Abraham Lincoln – wore a cool hat, is on the penny and freed the slaves, but may have also had some bad stuff about him.

Then there are a bunch of confederate people – many went back to the South after the Civil War and actually helped the freed slaves by building schools for them, providing portions of land for them, ensuring they had medical care and protection — even Robert E. Lee, arguably the best Confederate General – wasn’t even pro-slave and was working on plan to free his own slaves years before the Civil War. True, in most cases the statues could hold lessons for the viewers and help people understand history with added explanation … but, completely destroyed? Yes. I guess.

Theodore Roosevelt – invited the first black man to eat in the White House, extremely smart, Nobel Peace prize winner, helped America in many ways but maybe someone didn’t like his books or something. Just a guess. He wrote like 50. Maybe we gotta start some book burning, too? Get rid of those?

Ulysses S. Grant – I’m not sure I even know much about him, but I’m pretty sure no one that pulled down his statue even recognized he was the 18th President. But he probably was bad since there are statues of him.

Jesus Christ – of course. The guy is white. Anything with that guy has to go. Understandable.

Andrew Jackson – now this is the worst, he was for the common man. He was basically the man behind the start of the Democratic Party. Why, oh why are they attacking him? Sure he owned hundreds of slaves. But, first Democratic President – isn’t that worth something. They are eating their own!

Oh wait, I wanted to write down some ideas before I forget…

I have some ideas to present to my team in the morning.
1. I want to put on my Presidential website that I will change the name of the White House when I’m in. I’ll also paint one side black and brown and the other side a rainbow.

2. I’ll let all statues be removed across the country, unless they are of Barack. And, I will burn all of Roosevelt’s books. Or other books that could be offensive. Art, statues, and books – all offensive stuff must go. Who decides what’s offensive? I’ll pick a group.

3. All holidays need to be changed. Just too many offensive words. Like Columbus, Veteran’s, Labor, CHRISTmas, St. Patrick (white!) — just some bad shit.

AND, I really need to push back on my team’s most recent excuse for not letting me out of the basement….

“Joe, what if these protestors mistake you for an old racist statue and spray paint and topple you – it’s not implausible that it could happen.”

I gotta push back on that. How dumb do they think I am?

Come on, man.