Dr. Jill understands the stages of grief and went through them with me yesterday when I snapped at her. “Must be in the anger phase,” she said.
I guess I’m grieving about Amy dropping out. My team told her she had the wrong skin color or race or creed. She had the right gender (and the brains, good experience, etc.) but she’s definitely a non-Hispanic white person and we need a Mexican, black, Asian, African American or color person. Black would be preferred.
The team removed all these people from the list: Tammy Baldwin, Maggie Hassan, and Gretchen “witless” Whitmer. Because they are white. Apparently Warren still on the list, because she raised $6 million for my campaign in one day last week and maybe she can help us with the Bernie folks. Being a person of color definitely gets you a leg up on the competition, but the color green cannot be ignored either.
Meanwhile, onto more important things. My team really struggling with a nickname for Trump. Using “President Tweety” just makes me look dumb whenever I use it. My team has been meeting with focus groups non-stop to try and get a better one. Here’s a list of some of the more popular choices of the groups:
Trump the Terrible
Grunting Orange Tan Guy
The Trump Card
Tornado Tangerine
President No Vegetables
Angry Carrot Top
The antithesis of Sleepy Joe
President Potty Mouth
Shit Throwing Howling Monkey
Wanna be Reagan
Godzilla with Less Foreign Policy experience
Mr. I’m better than You, Better than you ever were or will ever be, believe me, the bestest
Presidential Schmemidential
The White and Orange Monster
Macaroni and Cheese Hair
Barbarian at the Debate
The Trumpinator
Mr. Two Scoops of Ice Cream
Nancy’s Nightmare
Donald Chump
Angry Creamsickle
Biden’s Bane
Cheetos Jesus
Mr. Would Destroy Biden in a Debate
Tiny Hands, Big Mouth
The Silent Majority’s next President
Captain Chaos
Cheeto in Chief
Dumpster Trumpster
Defying the Odds Donald
Best Friend to the Fake News’ Ratings
Has some gall for a person that uses two hands to drink water
Crazy Bernie’s Enemy
Personally, I think they haven’t quite found the right one yet. Some of those even seem flattering or worse than “President Tweety.
Meanwhile, I have to live with 1% Joe, Sleepy Joe, Creepy Joe, Quid Pro Joe, Feeble Joe, Drinking Kamala’s Koolaid Joe…my team says it’s just branding, nothing to worry about and no one really listens to Trump. Sure…
Come on, man.