Congratulations to the class of 2020. We tried unsuccessfully to record something from the Biden basement that was new and relevant and compelling to post on Twitter for the grads.
We had various issues. Technical was the worst. I would think live shots, live interviews, live town halls could have some technical issues (as we have). But when you literally have all day and all night for basically ever, and can’t get a recorded item done, I have to wonder how the other people can do it right. Obama’s commencement speech was amazing. Like a professional job. If I can ever get him to take my phone call, I’ll ask how he does it.
The other issue was me, or so they said. I think I was performing perfectly. So what if I got the year wrong or stumbled over the pronunciation of graduates, or I went a little off script and said Merry Christmas at some point. Graduates is a weird word – I’m sure no one gets it right – and no one really knows what time of the year it is since we’ve all been shuttered up for so long. Yeah, and it took me a few dozen tries to read a line on the teleprompter. Those are hard.
So, in the end the group decided to scrap the idea. Instead, they just posted a montage of the best moments from my commencement speeches in 2016, 2014, 2013, etc. on Twitter. It’s great. At least we found the team is great at editing. They made me look great.
I wonder if we can use this tactic for the debates — you know, edit a bunch of prepared stuff I said 4-40 years ago instead of having to answer stuff off the cuff… won’t the American people love that? Who could possibly want to watch me answer questions now to see if I’m fit to be President? Sounds dumb.
My most recent thought was to lean on the American with Disabilities act. I have a life long stuttering problem. Most stuttering is problems with one word or general fluid speech problems. My stuttering is more conceptual. Like saying I was endorsed by the only black female Senator while I was standing next to a different one – Kamala. Or saying I was running for senate a few months ago when I’m actually running for President. When I completely get facts, figures, where I am or what I am doing, who my wife is, or the day of week wrong – that is really stuttering. I can get the press to sell it. Or, someone on my team can. I don’t need to do everything. Or anything, they keep telling me. Just stay in the basement. Less is better, right?
Come on, man.