Month: May 2020

MAGA was catchy. But the media has done an amazing job making it seem really bad. Trump’s latest – Keep America Great… it’s not as catchy and the media has yet to brandish it as racist, but give them some time.

My slogan “the best days are yet to come” is a little wordy. I suggested changing it to MAG. Make America Greater. The team didn’t seem to like it much. I’ll push the idea again later. Maybe they will warm up to the idea.

My team did finally listen to me and let me make a statement that rioting is bad. I think that they had a bunch of focus groups and found that most people just don’t like the chaos where libraries, businesses, cars, and pretty much anything in the way of thugs are burned and looted. They said they couldn’t let me go on the news, because the odds were pretty high that I would say something wrong. Calling rioters thugs, for example. That could be seen as calling blacks people thugs. I guess I don’t understand that… there are rioters and looters of every color. And they are ALL thugs. Looters are thugs. I many be dumb, but I’m not stupid… Thugs are bad! Saying so, it can’t be racist, it’s just a true statement. If there is a person from the Orient looting then they are a thug. If there is a white person bussed in from Delaware to MN to cause trouble and they loot – they are a thug. If that’s not ok to say, then we are living in a bizarre world.

So, as much as I love freedom of speech, I don’t get any right now. No live interviews allowed …. in case I say something a little off. Instead, the team took a few hours to write something and then edit it and then re-edit it a few times and then finally they released “my statement” when they were done. And it was polished, and heartfelt and included:

“Protesting such brutality is right and necessary. But burning down communities and needless destruction is not.”

That’s perfect. The whole statement was really good. Maybe the team knows what they are doing. Had to be better than me doing a bunch of interviews. Clean, clear and foolproof/Joe proof.

I deplore what happened to Mr. Floyd. That shouldn’t happen in America, folks. We are all aligned. Every American. No one thinks that’s ok. I wish I had a little more freedom of speech here from my basement, but the reality is the same. Peaceful protests good. Reform and more oversight needed in some police forces —- punish the bad cops. Don’t riot and cause harm to innocents.

Mostly the staff did statement stuff yesterday. One thing at a time. But, at some point someone also informed me that Amy is out. Apparently in her many years working as prosecutor or public servant she may or may not have done something wrong. Hard to tell, really. Hindsight is 20/20. But — maybe better to find someone that has little to no history. Someone that says the “right” things, but really has very little or no action. If a person hasn’t really done much, then maybe there is less of a chance that the media and voters could find something that they may have done less than perfectly.

Seems like they want Stacey again, then. A brams. Got it. Fits their checklist? If so, let’s announce already – why wait until August!?

Come on, man.

I’ve been in my basement for almost three months —not living under a rock. I watch TV. I listen to my team. So, I’ve heard the criticism on CNN and its pretty misleading and inaccurate editing of an interview with Barr (William not Roseanne) to make him look bad and other really bad reporting against conservatives. I get it, CNN, nicknamed the Clinton News Network – making Trump/Trump pals/Trump voters look bad. Even when they need to lie… Seems pretty routine.

But I’m a little outraged at the producers or editors or whoever is in charge today. I can’t be the only one noticing that the nice images they show of Minnesotans spending their Saturday cleaning up trash and hauling away charred remains of pharmacies and libraries from the riots and the shit that’s been going down at night — I can’t be the only one that noticed some of them wearing MAGA hats. Seriously, how could CNN allow that image. MAGA supposed to be BAD. Such irresponsible reporting to allow an image of someone wearing that hat doing something good – what is going on a CNN?

Come on, man.

I really don’t know much about Twitter. I get reports on some of the things people say on it. Especially Trump. My team does all my tweets. Mostly attacks on Trump, but some other stuff too.
I have trouble using a cell phone, Twitter just not my thing.

Sitting here in my basement I am confused a little and conflicted though. Twitter and many Dems want to censor Trump? Stop letting him Tweet or talk on Twitter? I think that they think that would help me. He has 13 times as many followers as I do. Melania has ten times the followers of Jill. Dr. Jill.

But, here in my basement with tons of time to think… it seems to me that some of the Tweets Trump makes hurt him more then they help him….

Because of my past blunders with the black community including my crime bill, my statements on Obama and this week saying you ain’t black if you don’t vote for me… because of these things and because I need the black vote that somewhat seems to be on a “blexit” from guaranteed democratic voting and some even going for Trump because “what do they have to lose?!” …. because of these things and more my team didn’t let me say that the rioting and looting was bad yesterday when I finally made a statement about MN and Mr. Floyd. But, I do think one Tweet they twittered said it all, “Enough.” I think they meant it to be directed at Trump. But, it really should have been directed at the looters, at anyone trying to make a political statement, at any police officer that believes they can use their shield for evil and not good, at everyone that isn’t honoring the memory of George Floyd and is using his death for their own gain or for twisted and violent actions. Enough.

Back to Twitter. Maybe I’m too old and don’t get it. But how would Twitter justify censoring the President of the United States but feel perfectly comfortable letting the leader of Iran tweet Death to Americans?!

Come on, man.

Jill cried watching the George Floyd video. Just horrible.

My staff took to Twitter to attack Trump. Seems right. I need to make a statement to the press about MN, but my team is telling me what I should think first, then I will practice it for a few hours and then I’ll go on a 7 minute or less interview to repeat whatever the statement they tell me to say is. So, after I practice what I’m going to say for a few hours, I will go on TV. Got it.

VP pick looks like it will probably be Stacey Abrams. At least that’s my guess. My staff keep making me practice her last name. Not Abraham. Abram. It’s somewhat difficult. So maybe she’s the VP pick. Just guessing.

Right now, I can’t think about much. I’m sad for George Floyd. I hope my staff lets me say that. I’m also sad for the businesses owned by people of color that were in the way of the rage and anger and were burned and looted. I’m sad and disappointed that a person who was supposed to be protecting people – instead chose to end a life. It wasn’t a mistake or accident. It wasn’t something where the policeman acted in self defense or mistook a phone for a gun. It was just unacceptable and very sad. I hope my staff can find a way for me to say both. And ask for peace.

Maybe when the stay at home orders are lifted in two days I can go to Minnesota. And express my sadness and grieve with the family and Minnesota. Probably not, since Democrats have won MN in last 11 elections and they only have 10 electoral college votes anyway. But, if they let me, I would still go. I’ll ask, and keep my fingers crossed. No one seems to listen to my suggestions, but maybe they will on this one?

Come on, man.

Pants two days in a row!

Didn’t have the time or energy to write yesterday. Had the first in-person interview in months. We socially distanced 12 feet at all times. Because 12 is better than 6. Not sure how that will work in the White House — like the situation room. But, I don’t really need to be in any of the meetings anyway. Other people are basically making all the decisions now. I can probably just keep that going for a while until the Coronavirus thing goes away or until I’m not President anymore. Whichever comes first.

Back to VP pick discussion. Warren is out. I keep accidentally calling her Pocahontas… damn Trump and his catchy nicknames.

The team loves the look of Trump Pence logo. They have the same number of letters so they space out nicely and look good together. So, they are fixated on Amy Klobachar. Joe and Amy on the bumper stickers. Strict edit that I never try to say her last name. I just call her Amy. Has a nice, folksy ring to it. Problem is that she’s white. Super white. Like Midwest white. Someone on the team said she should just identify as a person of color and then we would be sitting pretty. Really?

Come on, man.

Outside at last!

They let me leave the basement to lay a wreath at a local cemetery. I asked for golf, but got a cemetery. And I had to promise not to speak more than 50 words and wear a face mask… but I was let outside into the sunshine, Jill by my side. It felt glorious, like going outside was a dangerous mission.

I needed a nap afterwards. After more than 10 weeks in the house, leaving was exhilarating but exhausting.

My nap was disturbed by a nightmare where I caught the Coronavirus while I was out. My mask had been infected. And my team was EXCITED like it was an incredible stroke of good luck. They could replace me on the ticket AND use it against the people (Republicans) who want to open back up. “You killed Joe” was the campaign slogan or something, I woke as they were showing the commercial with a montage of things…. my last stop at the cemetery, then Jill crying, then Trump with devil horns or something like that….

People say dreams represent something going on in your life, your subconscious playing something out. I understand the Trump with Devil horns image. But, the rest? No one really wants to replace me! Dumb nightmare.

Come on, man.

One of the campaign staff Twitter posted an ad about Trump golfing while people are still dying from the Coronavirus. Supposedly he hadn’t played golf in 78 days, longest stretch in his life without golf, and was missing it. He’s probably working harder than he has in his life… maybe working 24/7 and probably deserves a few hours off…. but if anyone says I said that, I’ll deny it. The optics really worked for an attack ad, so I think they made a great decision. Trump bad. Uncaring about you, the people. You are dying, because of him, and he is golfing.

It said nothing, of course, about me.

This is day 76 in the basement. I’d kill for a round of golf. The courses are open here in Delaware. Maybe I should sneak out of the basement window when no one is looking….. I love golf. I’m a 6 handicap. Some people call it a ego handicap, but single digits are just easier for me to remember, so I stay a six.

My campaign slogan is something like, “Our Best Days Lie Ahead.” I wonder when the group decides to drop all the sweet words and illusions and just change it to, “Trump Bad.”

And, if Delaware’s beaches are now open, golf course maintenance workers are considered essential, you can go for a walk in the park…….how much longer can the optics of me stuck in my basement be a good thing? Six feet apart. I can remember 6. I can go outside!

Come on, man.

The grassroots fundraiser yesterday was great. We raised over a million dollars. Couldn’t have come at a better time. And, Mayor Pete was just swell and said all the difficult things for me like how to text Joe. I never get that one right.

He did really look like Howdy Doody, which was distracting, though. And, he also looked like he needed a haircut. Why does everyone look like they need haircuts?

Anyway, we talked about very important Presidential plans like my workout routine and Mayor Pete being really brave. Overall, I think I did a fine job.

However, my staff wasn’t too favorable in the post-fundraiser meeting with me. Few rough comments like:

— next time we really need to tie his hands behind his back so he doesn’t touch his face – the world has been told not to touch their faces and Joe cannot last a few minutes without doing it. It’s awkward and uncomfortable for those watching. And, at one point it looked like he would have picked his nose if the cameras weren’t on

— thank God Saturday Night Live is on hiatus. This would have made a very bad and potentially damaging skit titled something like “The Most Boring Man”

— when you’re talking to someone about the future, don’t say “IF I become President” like you’re really not sure or maybe not actually not even sure you’ll last the week…. always say WHEN I’m President….

The negativity went on and on. It’s like no one ever told them, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.”

So what?! – I got a few things wrong. At least I didn’t forget which city I’m in or who my wife is. And the day of the week never even came up so I didn’t get that wrong.

That seems like winning, right?

Come on, man.

The endless Zoom calls are giving me a headache. Bad one after the interview with Charlamagne tha God… still trying to figure out – which one of my team put me on that show??? That black guy may have been articulate but he was not on my team, folks.

Everyone seems upset over my comment, “Well I tell you what, if you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.”

What’s the problem? Black people aren’t supposed to question, or think. They are mindlessly supposed to get in line and vote Democratic! I don’t see any problem saying that!

Or maybe they are upset because I went over my seven minute mark or said I needed to get off so my wife could use the home computer for her interview, which seemed more important.

Whatever it is that set them off, I’ve been listening last night and today to everything… all I hear is blah blah blah blah at this point. Oh, I’m picking up a few things here and there. Mostly they talk as if I’m not a part of the decision process anyway — so I am used to waiting until they tell me what to do.

One of the discussions is around my VP pick. Something about picking someone who has a name I can pronounce. Most important consideration at this point – easy name for Joe to say – and Kamala definitely out.

Oh, and big big big big event today with Mayor Pete. I am not, under any circumstance to try to say his last name. And I should try and say a little as possible. And not go off script.

I need to get on a call with the girl running my campaign and ask her for a slightly bigger role in the campaign. Jen, I think is her name. The one described as being 1/2 my age with twice my IQ. That’s a joke.

Come on, man.

We meet on the line about the campaign on different platforms. It’s usually confusing and there are always delays of some sort. People can’t log on. My WiFi cuts out. Wrong people invited. We forget someone on invite. Then have to track them down. Or, someone has wrong time zone or forgets the meeting and we have to track them down. I go on long talk about something, but I’m on mute and then have to get Jill to help me unmute, then I forget what I wanted to say…. It’s always something. So our 9am meetings start about 9:15am. Or whatever time – usually some kind of snafu.

We have standards where people are supposed to be muted when they aren’t talking in case there is a distracting background noise. Like dogs or kids or the lawn mower or geese. Whatever. Being on mute or not being on mute trips me up sometimes and occasionally others. We are all learning to adjust to this “bunkered” Biden reality.

Occasionally people think they are on mute when they aren’t. Today, one of the people on there had an obvious mistake. Or maybe it was a prank and I was supposed to laugh. I still don’t know. Here’s was the conversation going on in one of the homes or offices or some place someone was.

“How much longer are you going to be in that meeting” someone says off camera.

Aide: “I don’t fucking know. It’s like these jokers think we can all figure out a way to hide the fact that’s he’s an incompetent coot. The election is going to come down to Coronavirus shit and the econom…. wait am I on mute?! … shit … sorry guys, where were we?”

Incompetent Coot? Which aide was he talking about. He wasn’t talking about me, I’m sure.

Come on, man.