Month: August 2016

So I did finally figure out what a Tweet is. I asked an assistant to “show me The Donald’s latest Tweet” loudly and forcefully as if I knew what the hell I was talking about. And – they showed me his Twitter account – which was, on the surface, pretty interesting.

Then, we spent some time looking at our Twitter account, well – MY Twitter account, which I have never seen before. My aides are “Tweeting” for me. All good, and very spot on – cross promotions pretending we care about the Olympics (because we are spending a ton of cash advertising during the broadcast) “Tweeting” Congrats to all Gold medal winners and very positive stuff. Good stuff. And, great photos.

Then, I get called into a meeting for a “sit-down” again about “the rules.” Very boring stuff – a reminder that there is no more calling people retards (even if they are), no swearing (tough) because it may cause me to swear in public, and NO MORE EMAILS. Our emails are very likely to be hacked. Extremely likely. And, even if not hacked, the idiots working for me have PASSWORD as their actual password. So, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to get into our system. (I just changed my password, too — from Hillary2016 to BILLlovesBOOBS – much more secure).

More later.

How does O’Reilly take a vacation? It just really doesn’t feel the same without him.

My secret pleasure. Watching Bill O’Reilly. Kind of smart and sexy. Bill would have a heart attack if he knew I had the hots for him. But…oh well.

Stuck with a replacement host. The worst.

More later.

I love the polls. I’m kicking ass in them. All of them. My aides say that “this poll had 150 more Democrats than Republicans so it’s skewed” and “this poll has other problems” and blah blah so “Don’t get over enthusiastic on the polls…”

Freaking idiots. I’m winning big. I liked calling The Donald “chicken” for thinking he might not debate me. But, maybe I should just avoid the debates myself. If I could just hide for 88 days, I think I win.

Good day – hung out with the one percenters. Gave a very short speech and had them write big checks so it felt like a big win. Almost like getting paid to talk, as it should be.

I love rich people. They’re still idiots, but at least they smell ok.

More later.

I don’t know how a 20 year old could keep up with my pace. I certainly know this pace is too much for me. Injections, creams, pills…. I feel like a guinea pig at times. And a puppet at other times. I’m really too tired to get a grip on everything that’s going on at all times. Drink this, eat this, say that, remember this. Smile, wave, act personable, be here, be there, avoid him, avoid her.

I want to be President. I’m playing the good part. I’m trying. I’m succeeding. It hardly shows that I’m barely hanging on by a thread. Sure, sometimes I need help up the stairs or someone to hold me up on stage… But the pace of this is tough. Sure, I take a few days off a week. I don’t talk to media or answer questions. I rarely go on news shows. It’s still a lot. I rested after my economic policy speech (which everyone loved) and I think I’ll probably take it easy the next 3-4 days.

The Donald? I don’t know how he does it. It’s like he is always going, always at rally and speeches. He’s older than me. He must have better drugs than I do.

President of the US — I’m expecting an easy job. Obama played golf like 1000 times in office. I can just rest, relax. Answer a few questions here and there. A few dinners and trips. The President is a lofty title, but really doesn’t need to do much. I won’t have a boss… I’m only planning on one term…

More later.

 

So, unfortunately, the Secret Service Agent that speaks words to me has to stay. Turns out that the Secret Service equivalent of Siberia — the worst punishment that they have at Secret Service —is to be on MY security detail. So, he stays.

But I may kick him if he speaks to me again.

I meant to jot a few thoughts down about Clinton Foundation, as the title suggests. But, I can’t remember what I was going to write. That seems to be happening a lot lately. So I will have to come back to it another time.

More later.

I’m having trouble sleeping. That’s never been a problem for me. Trouble in Benghazi in the middle of the night – snore.

But now, I’m having fitful sleeps. Nightmares are troublesome. Here are a few of the highlights:

In bed with Dangerous Donald – like a cheap porno. It’s a real sleep killer.

Obama won’t leave the White House – no matter where I turn, he’s there. And Michelle right there with him. Scary.

Julian Assange laughing at me as they drag me out in handcuffs. I look horrible in Orange…

But, I have another real problem. Not a nightmare…. Well, a real-life nightmare. I have a Secret Service agent who speaks to me. It started out as a head nod in the morning. I really tried to ignore him. The past few weeks he says something to me like “Good morning” or “Good Day” — it’s disgusting. What makes him think he can even look at me? Let alone actually speak to me? Speak words to me?????  A lowly agent! Unbelievable. The Balls on this guy. I need to figure out what the equivalent of Siberia for Secret Service agents and send him there for punishment. That will teach him!

I’m taking a shot of vodka and going back to sleep.

More later.

 

First, Pocahontas criticized me for giving Schultz a job…Now she called me a GIRL. Why did I ever like her in the first place?

I don’t think she’s trustworthy. Didn’t she make up a story about her being an Native American Indian to get a chair at Harvard? I don’t know – thought I heard that. Maybe I saw a little bit of myself in her.

At any rate. She calls me a GIRL. Loser.

The media will give her a pass. It’s not like Trump called me a girl. The media would have a field day with that.

More later.

The press is brutal. Not to me, of course. Trump once said something about him being able to shoot someone and not lose voters. Now, he just opens his mouth and the press do the rest. Voters are easily manipulated, I’ve said it before. The press twists what he says and the voters go away.

Yesterday he gives a speech to try and get the NRA and 2nd amendment supporters to rally around him and vote for him to keep me out of the White House. Because I’ll put in super liberal judges, make everyone register their guns so I know where to go to get them. And, put major restrictions on gun ownership, if we allow it at all once I’m in office.

Of course, guns to protect the White House and me – I’m not stupid. But, the other people – no reason for them to have guns.

But the press take that and run. They are claiming that what Trump really meant was for gun owners to shoot me. I guess you could take it that way.  But, even I know it’s not what he meant. But, then again, I am smarter that the average voter.

Anyway, the rebel press at Fox have a different idea. Fair and Balanced? They basically implied I shot a DNC worker that was working with Julian Assange. Or the DNC or someone in my staff. And, they keep interviewing people that are insinuating that I’m corrupt. Even talking about the time I tried to steal furniture from the White House. Just silly. I don’t think many people watch Fox anyway. Although, they do have some hot women on that channel…. Bill watches, I know.

Hmmm. Julian Assange. He’s an enigma, I wonder what emails he has that he’s planning on releasing? There are plenty that, if read by the public, could actually kill me and my white house plans. I don’t believe he has anything. If he did, why is he waiting?

Then again, if he does have damaging emails that paint a picture of me as corrupt or actually put the puzzle pieces together of the countries and companies I sold favors to while Secretary of State…it wouldn’t be ideal to have them released. I can always hope for another terror attack or cop shooting to deflect the media attention off the emails when/if they do come out….

More later.

Of course I don’t support terrorists. But, now I have a known Taliban supporter (who thinks homosexuals should be punished by God) standing 5 feet from me at a recent rally, clearly supporting me, waving an American flag.  His image is easy to pick out on the broadcast. And, it just so happens that his son killed 45+ (not sure the number – does it matter?) people in a gay nightclub a few miles away.

So, should I support his right to free speech? He’s clearly a Hillary supporter and just because his son killed a bunch of Americans in a bar in Orlando doesn’t make him a bad guy. Does it?

He got an invitation from my people. My people asked him to stand behind me. A muslim looking guy would look good in the background. Or, so they thought.

But this guy is bad. He wants to support me. But, my team should never have allowed him within 20 feet of me.

I mean, I should probably fire the advance team that allowed that to happen. Turns out one of the members of the advance team is the same person a few weeks ago that put water in my travel cup instead of vodka. I wanted to fire her then. I should have. Now, I’m stuck with the terrorist at my rally.

Then, I have to walk by the press wanting a comment. Of course I have to ignore them. No more press conferences. And, for sure, no to answering questions. I’m much better if someone tells me exactly what to say. At this point, it’s kind of hard to remember what I’m for and against. So a clear written answer works better for me.

Like the other day when my staff wanted me to do debate prep. Ha. This is what debate prep should consist of:
1) Find out the questions that will be asked (the debates aren’t on Fox, get the questions from the mainstream media)

2) Get a speech writer to draft my response

3) Let me memorize the response

 

Easy.

Also, the debates are planned, as I wanted and requested – against major football games… it doesn’t matter.

More later.

 

Things to be thankful for:

I’m not running against Ivanka.

More later.